Cory Doing Life

Registration Form

2011-11-05T19:44:00.001-06:00

Here is the registration form for the 2011 Hostess Half Marathon. It is limited to 40 runners so don't delay. First 40 to have registration forms back to me are in! Email me at coryreese1@hotmail.com if you have any questions.

I Would Do Anything For Love

2011-04-05T22:02:00.001-06:00

Have you heard that song by Meatloaf called "I Would Do Anything For Love....But I Won't Do That"? (My sincere apologies that I have now gotten this song stuck in your head for the next five weeks.)

I thought of this song a few days ago when my wife asked me to do THAT. Would you like to know what THAT is which Meatloaf is referring to in his song "I Would Do Anything For Love....But I Won't Do THAT?"

THAT is your wife's makeup.

And apparently I'm more of a man than Meatloaf because I did do THAT.

See, my wife fell exactly two weeks ago and broke both of her elbows. She suddenly became 100% helpless. She couldn't eat. She couldn't hold anything. She couldn't even scratch her nose. After a week of looking like death warmed over (her words, not mine!) she asked if I would please put a little bit of makeup on her.

It's hard to resist your completely helpless spouse who has been laying on the bed crying in pain for a week and you want to do anything you can to help make matters better. So I did THAT. With a hefty supply of guidance and direction I put on a little bit of makeup.

It's certainly no work of art, but good enough for a first effort. I will now show you a picture of my labors.

I would do anything for love, and I DID DO THAT.

Dehydration At The Dance Festival

2011-03-10T21:08:00.001-07:00

Last night we had the pleasure of attending the Dance Festival for the elementary school. The Dance Festival has been in existence since approximately the presidency of Abraham Lincoln. It is held in the gym of the high school which sounds like a big area. Until you try to cram in all the school children, their parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and anything else that happens to be breathing within a 100 mile radius of the school. Then it's not so big. People are packed in so closely that you are sitting on your neighbor's lap while another neighbor is sitting on yours. If you were going to catch a communicable disease, this is the place you'd catch it.

And the heat. Sweet angel of death, the heat. After sitting in the gym for an hour, the Sahara Desert would feel like a meat locker. You are sweating so much that you have to peel your clothes off you when you have the chance to stand up.

Thankfully, you are rewarded for your suffering. One highlight is the first graders who do the Chicken Dance each year. It is undeniably adorable. Adorable.

And then the finale of the dance festival is the kindergartners who perform a song called Baby Eagle as they are dressed up like little eagles. Then, during the last few minutes of the song - they hula hoop. This has been the finale since the days of Adam. And seeing a big gaggle of kindergartners dressed up as eagles hula hooping is simply the cutest thing you have ever seen. I know. You think you've seen some pretty cute things. But unless you've seen Baby Eagle, you've never seen the cutest thing ever.

I commend the teachers and staff who are able to pull this whole thing together. Just the thought of the Dance Festival must cause an anxiety attack.

Embarrassment In The Workplace

2011-03-08T21:46:00.003-07:00

Today I had one of the more embarrassing experiences in recent memory: I passed out cold. At work.

I hate needles. Especially when it comes to getting blood drawn. The strange thing is that I really have no logical explanation for having such a fear. Aside from a little pinch, getting blood drawn doesn't even hurt. But for some reason, I end up seeing stars most times I have it done.

I work in the most ironic of environments: a dialysis center. There are needles and blood everywhere you look. People on dialysis sit there for hours on end with needles in their arm while blood leaves their body, gets cleaned, and is returned to their body. I've gotten used to it. As long as nobody is coming at me with needles.

Well, today was the day to have annual labs drawn. I had my good friend and absolute nurse-extraordinaire Jan have the honor of drawing my blood, then trying to bring me back to consciousness.

And actually - it wasn't too bad! We were almost done and I was feeling good. And then my world went black. She leaned me back and my eyes slowly came back into focus but I was pale and sweating like a politician at a town hall meeting.

To say I felt sheepish would be an understatement. A pretty big, fat understatement. I should have given her permission to slap me across the face if she saw my eyes start to roll back. Jan is so kind and didn't make fun of me. But she should have.

Wearing Ice Cream

2011-02-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago my wife and I went on a date. We go on these dates every so often. Our dates involve:
1) Getting the kids to bed.
2) One of us running to Dairy Queen.
3) Sitting in bed watching a movie and eating ice cream.

But I wasn't very successful in my task of driving home with two carmel sundays. The problem was that I didn't have anywhere to put them while I drove...so I'm trying to drive home with a sunday in each hand while my knee maneuvers the steering wheel. Well....that plan works just great until you have to turn.

And then you are forced to try and hold two sundays in one hand while you make the turn. Unfortunately, by this point, the ice cream started to melt a little, and eventually got the best of me. Grrrr.

So I got home with a lap full of ice cream.

Full Moon Rising

2011-02-22T21:56:00.002-07:00

Last week I pulled in our driveway just in time to see an incredible full moon rising over Zion National Park. Thankfully I had time to run inside and grab my camera and snapped this picture:

The funny part is that the kids were mesmerized by the moon too. In fact, Danica thought it was so awesome that she went outside early the next morning to see the moon again. But - she forgot to unlock the door as she walked outside. So when she tried to come back inside - yep - the door was locked. It was cold outside and apparently it took a while before one of the other kids heard her pounding on the door. I'm guessing she won't make that mistake again.

Why I Am Tired

2011-02-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays in the life of Cory Reese are crazy. My wife works Tuesday nights so on Wednesdays I am Mr. Mom.

The joke in the extended family is that I run a little side business called Toby's Taxi Service where I shuttle kids around all day. I give props to all you moms who do this everyday because it wears me out. Let me give you an idea of my Wednesdays:

1) Kids wake up. Get them breakfast, stack dishwasher (if you're lucky), get them dressed for school, make sure homework is signed off, get their lunches packed, then off to school they go.

2) During the day I either help in their school classes or volunteer with my peeps at Dixie Care & Share.

3) Hopefully sneak in a run late afternoon.

4) Pick up kids from school, get some after-school snacks, help one daughter with homework while reminding the other daughter to practice piano, then switch.

5) 4:55pm: Take the girls to piano and pick up Jackson from piano. Get home and have 20 minutes to eat something before leaving at 5:30pm to pick up girls from piano.

6) Take girls to gymnastics at 6:00pm, finished at 7:00pm.

7) Bring them home, get them set up with a late dinner, finish homework and reading, get showers done, remind them politely 6 times to brush their teeth (the following 36 reminders aren't as polite). Then get them to bed.

8) Hope that there is still enough energy to dig the ice cream out of the freezer before falling asleep.

Dear Wind: Please Stop

2011-02-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

I would like to inform you that I am utterly and completely sick of wind. And I am no amateur when it comes to wind. I lived in Wyoming for two years for crying out loud. When people move out of Wyoming they stand with a slant because their bodies are so accustomed to leaning into the wind so they don't blow over.

They weren't fooling around when they named our city - Hurricane. I totally understand that some wind is to be expected. But when it is crazy windy for approximately 359 out of 365 days each year, well, my friend, that is just plain nuts. Nuts.

Looking out our kitchen window into the back yard is depressing right now. The back yard is packed with tumble weeds. And I just can't bring myself to venture into the back yard to remove them. That seems like such an act of futility because I know that it won't take long before it is full of tumbleweeds again. It's just not right.

But it could be worse. Many houses in our neighborhood have been swallowed by tumbleweeds. Here is one such house:

Dear wind, please stop. We surrender. You win. Game over. Stop.

Books On The Night Stand

2011-02-08T22:03:00.001-07:00

I go to the library often and it is constantly an overwhelming experience because I always find so many books I want to read. I love to learn. Not so much into fiction books. The biggest problem I have is finding the time to read everything I want to read. Here are the books currently on my night stand that I'm reading or will be starting soon:

Awesome New Music

2011-02-04T20:34:00.004-07:00

Brandon Heath is one of my favorite musicians. He is an incredible song writer. I was psyched to pick up his new album called Leaving Eden debuted at #1 on the Billboard contemporary Christian chart. This song called "Your Love" from the CD is one of the best tunes I've heard in a long time. Definitely a must-listen. Enjoy!

New Music From Paul Cardall

2011-02-02T21:19:00.001-07:00

A few nights ago our kids were thrilled to have piano-playing royalty come to our house. The kids were mesmerized that Billboard Recording Artist Paul Cardall was in OUR living room. Playing OUR piano.

Paul and his wife Lynnette have been friends for many years and we always have fun whenever we are able to get together. There was more than one occasion when I laughed so hard that Diet Mountain Dew almost came out of my nose. (Now that could have been embarrassing to have a fizzy wet spot down my shirt and lap.)

I have good news for you: Paul has a brand new CD called "New Life" coming out February 14th! I have heard the album and can attest that it is nothing short of awesome. Remember when you were in middle school and Bon Jovi was the most awesome thing ever? Yea - it's that awesome (minus the long, flowing mullet). The background orchestra is enough to give you chills. (But not the same kind of chills you would get if you spilled Diet Mountain Dew down your lap. Thank goodness.) If you're a fan of piano music this is definitely one to check out. You can click here to pre-order.

Kids+Basketball=Funny

2011-02-01T21:48:00.001-07:00

My nine year old boy Jackson loves basketball. He loves to watch it and he loves to play it. He was thrilled when we told him he could sign up for the city basketball league. Our family had the pleasure of going to his first basketball game a few weeks ago.

In a proud parent moment, Jackson scored HALF of the team's points for the game! Half!

Incidentally, scoring half of the team's points meant making one basket.

In a shocking conclusion, Jackson's team total of four points was not enough to hold off the opposing team. Who'd have thunk. I am thankful that at this age the kids aren't crazy-competitive and can still say after the game that they had fun, even if they did get creamed. Behold......Jackson's two points:

The School Food Fight

2011-01-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

I went to Eastmont Middle School which apparently didn't have it in the budget to buy a power generator.

And you're asking yourself "Who cares?" Well, I care. Because I nearly lost my life as a result of their lack of a generator to create electricity in the event of a power outage.

The design of Eastmont is unique. The lunch room is right in the middle of the school, and then hallways surround the lunch room, which lead to class rooms. So the middle of the school has not seen a ray of sunlight since the roof was put on.

So one day me and the rest of my I'm-really-nerdy-but-I-think-I'm-awesome friends were eating lunch in the dungeon cafeteria. And then the power goes out. It's pitch black. You can't see your hand in front of your face. You are enveloped by a sea of darkness. And immediately chaos erupted. I'm talking ERUPTED.

Two things happened instantaneously. 1) Lots and lots of screaming. And 2) Food started flying everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And then I started to hear the ringing of silverware hitting the tables and floor. People were chucking their forks! And then I heard the banging of cafeteria trays. People were chucking their trays! Me and my I'm-really-nerdy-but-I-think-I'm-awesome friends feared for our lives.

A miracle happened at Eastmont Middle School that day. I was not hit by one piece of flying silverware, nor one solitary tray. I was shocked that I hadn't become a casualty of this spontaneous war in the dark. In less than 30 seconds the lights came back on and we were amazed to see the battle field which had been created. I wouldn't be surprised if Eastmont came up with some money after that experience to buy a generator.

Our Airport Mishap

2011-01-18T21:37:00.002-07:00

Neither my wife or I may be the brightest light bulb on the chandelier although we can usually fend for ourselves. But we seem to have more than our share of glitches when it comes to traveling.

We had some free airline tickets to use after our Hawaii glitch where an engine went out as we were flying above the ocean, we had to return to land, were welcomed on the runway by a line of fire trucks and ambulances, and then got to spend a day of our vacation in Portland while they fixed the airplane.

So a few weeks ago we decided to use our tickets for a spontaneous trip to California to run in the Southern California Half Marathon. (To be honest with you, I contemplated letting the tickets go to waste because I positively despise, fear, and loathe airplanes.)

We got to the airport in Las Vegas and passed the sign showing which gate each flight was departing from. Mel said it was gate D36. I just walked by it quickly but when I glanced I thought it said D26. I brought this up to her but she said it was indeed D36. I am a man, and don't pay attention to details so I trusted that my wife knew what she was talking about.

It turns out that this was one of the very, very few times where I was right.

I mentioned my concern a few more times but she reassured me that we were just fine. We joked that it would be funny if we were sitting at the wrong gate. Well......we waited and waited at D36 and the plane was late arriving. We thought that was strange. Everyone seemed to be waiting around, and an attendant said over the loud speaker that the plane would be arriving soon, it would be cleaned quickly, and then we could start boarding.

Then a little while later over the intercom they said the flight to Seattle would be boarding soon! But we weren't going to Seattle. We were going to California. Yep. Our gate was indeed D26! So we ran as fast as we could through the airport to the other side of the terminal. When we were nearing the gate we heard over the intercom “Last call for Reese, party of two.” We made it with one minute to spare. And that made for a good laugh.

We didn't tell the other passengers why we got on the plane huffing and puffing.

My Second Birthday

2010-12-26T13:12:00.002-07:00

My birthday was one week ago. Much to my dismay, I did not realize that this was also National Hey-Kids-Be-As-Grumpy-As-You-Can Day. Our children played the part well. In fact, I nominated each of them for the award of Most Likely To Make Your Parent Go Psychotic. Certainly a proud fatherly achievement.

But seriously, the kids were nuts. ALL. DAY. And I'm ashamed to say that this rubbed off on me also. I was part of stiff competition with the kids to see who could be the grumpiest member of the family. By the end of the night, I may have won (although each of the children apologized, saying "Sorry we ruined your birthday.").

I was not thrilled with the attitude my children had. But I was most disappointed in myself. So I made an official declaration that for this year, my birthday was not going to be on December 19th. I moved it forward a few days to Thursday.

I even went to the store and bought myself some new birthday presents: a $1 bag of butterscotch discs, a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups, and a brownie mix.

I am happy to report that the new birthday was much better than the old birthday. From this day forward, I reserve the right to adjust any birthdays, and I am officially cancelling National-Hey-Kids-Be-As-Grumpy-As-You-Can-Day.

Parents, you're welcome.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas from the Reese family! I find it difficult to summarize our awesome year into a few pages. I could be brief and say that we ate lots of snow cones from SnoKaps, and that I recently discovered the heavenly attributes of carne asada French fries from our local Mexican restaurant. But alas, much more has happened.

The kids all have excellent teachers and love school. Our children have even managed to enjoy chicken drumsticks when they have hot lunch, whereas for the average adult, just the sight of these drumsticks would cause dry heaves. They all enjoyed swimming lessons during the summer and have gone positively NUTS with the piano. The girls had fun taking gymnastics lessons this year and Jackson stays busy with scouts.

One highlight of the year was a trip to California to visit Sea World and Lego Land. The worst part of the trip was the flock of birds that lived outside of the windows. They had no concept of “bedtime” and enjoyed chirping at ear-piercing decibels all night long. Mel and I also went to Hawaii in March with two other couples and had a blast. I ate so much pineapple that my blood started to turn yellow.

Mel and I continue to work in the primary at church. Spending time with the kids is great. But I do have one beef with the primary room: the temperature always hovers around 638 degrees. I swear you could put some cake batter in there and have a beautifully cooked cake 30 minutes later.

Mel works a night a week at the hospital and also helps out a little bit at an assisted living facility. She is still very beautiful. She ran her first marathon this year – the Park City Marathon. Then ran a second – the St. George Marathon! At the expo before the race, we sat next to a guy who was 80 years old and running the marathon. I asked him what time he was shooting for and he said around 6 hours and 15 minutes. Mel said “Cool, give me props!” and she held out her fist for props. He just sat there and looked at her. I nudged her to put her hand down NOW! An 80 year old IS NOT going to know what it means to “give you props”.

And then, right before the St. George Marathon started, Mel stepped in a pile of human poop. It sloshed out the holes of her shoe. I believe I earned some Husband Bonus Points for running next to her for the next 26 miles while I smelled her foot.

I continue to my career as a social worker which keeps me busy. I managed to run 5 half marathons and 5 full marathons this year and am looking forward to a race I organized coming up next week: the Hostess Half Marathon. Runners must eat a Hostess product every two miles of the race. Registration filled up quickly and I’m certain there will be some barfing along the way. I signed up to run my first ultra-marathon (50 miles) coming up in March.

Here are a few other highlights from the journal:

January 4, 2010: So a few minutes after I tucked the girls into bed, Danica came down sobbing. She was crying hysterically. You’d have thought someone died. I asked her what was wrong and she said that her tooth got lost in the carpet and she couldn’t find it. I asked how that happened. She explained that her and Kylee thought it would be fun to play catch with her tooth. Two throws later, the tooth was lost in the carpet. With our carpet, finding a tooth is like looking for a needle in a haystack. We looked and looked. She continued to sob the whole time. I heard her whimper “Are you serious?” as she searched the carpet in dismay. We never did find the tooth. Thankfully the Tooth Fairy accepted a note for this tooth also. At least she didn’t eat it, like the first tooth she lost.

January 26, 2010: The Alzheimer’s conference I attended yesterday was at the Senior Citizen Center. Unfortunately lunch was provided by the Senior Center. I was doing my best to enjoy the broccoli cheddar soup when I came across a stringy black hair. Suddenly I didn’t want anymore soup. So I started eating the turkey wrap. With the first bite, I bit into a long brown hair woven between the slices of turkey. Note to self: never eat lunch again at the Senior Center.

April 5, 2010: The hike back was a little more challenging because it was so crazy windy. Kylee had a little stretch where she struggled and said “Dad, both of my legs are really tired.” She was able to keep trucking though. Kylee and I walked together during the hike and pulled up the rear. We had fun talking. She said that she wanted to have lots of animals when she gets bigger. Then she clarified “But I don’t want to be a cowgirl.”

April 26, 2010: We decided to take the kids to the Earth Day celebration in Springdale. On our way up, the kids asked if we could stop and see the ostriches. We agreed to buy a little bag of food for them to feed the ostriches and they were thrilled. Well, somehow Danica managed to grab the fence for a second. And a moment later she was running toward the car crying and screaming. I followed her to the car and she was bawling because she got bit. The guy who owns the ostriches happened to be out there and saw what happened so he brought the kids each a big ostrich feather. That got the tears to stop. Later she said that it scared her more than it hurt. I learned that it’s hard to show sympathy when you are laughing.

May 21, 2010: Apparently at school Dani’s class was supposed to be walking around the track for some reason. According to Dani, her friend Kelsey called over to her to come and look at some lady bugs. So Dani went. And then they got in trouble from Mrs. McCombs for not walking around the track. She put Dani’s name on the chalk board to lose recess the next day.
Danica came home from school distraught. I don’t think she gets into trouble too often so she was worried. She came home and wrote Mrs. McCombs a letter. It said something like “Dear Mrs. McCombs, I’m sorry I was looking at lady bugs. Do you forgive me? Yes or no?” She put it in an envelope and included a pack of Smarties. I asked her the next day what Mrs. McCombs said. She said that Mrs. McCombs forgave her and let her go to recess.

June 1, 2010: On our drive home from San Diego…. One funny thing about the drive home happened when we stopped for lunch at Arby’s. Kylee looked out the window and said “Look at that mof!” We said “What?” She said “Look at that mof!” We asked her again and she said “Mof!” a few more times. We thought it was really cute. Danica was polite in enunciating “mothhhh” instead of “mof”.

August 17, 2010: Jackson ran the Washington County Fair Mile Race. I was standing at the finish line talking to Shelly Thomas and we looked down the road and saw some runners coming. It was too far away so we couldn’t see any details, but Shelly said “It looks like the person in first place is wearing a black shirt. Maybe it’s Jackson!” I vividly remember the image of looking down the road seeing that black shirt and feeling unsure but hopeful. I remember the image so clearly because I thought to myself “That guy is going fast!” As the runners got closer I saw that it was Jackson – and he was in first place! It was really exciting. He ended up winning the mile race with a time of 8 minutes and 55 seconds! That is incredible. That is really fast! He won a ceramic plate and a $20 gift certificate from Classic Sports. I felt very proud of him for all his hard work.

September 21, 2010: I decided to take the kids to SnoKaps Wednesday night which they were excited for. Jackson said “I really hope there aren’t other people there because I want to order Care Bear flavor (cotton candy & wedding cake) but I don’t want other people to hear me order Care Bear.” When we got there, he was relieved that there weren’t other people around. He placed his order: “Can I get a small cotton candy mixed with wedding cake?” A few minutes later the guy opened the window with his snow cone in hand and said “Here’s your Care Bear”. Jackson was mortified. And we all howled with laughter. For the rest of the night, any time the girls saw somebody they said “Jackson likes Care Bears!” We all got a good laugh.

October 11, 2010: At some point during the week Kylee lost her first tooth. It was one of the small ones on the bottom. It was pretty loose so Mel suggested that she tie some floss onto the tooth to pull it out. Plans didn’t work out as well as expected. She kept tugging on it but it wouldn’t come out and Kylee started crying. Unfortunately the floss was tied on really tight and there was no way to get it off, so she either needed to pull it out that night, or go to school the next day with a big piece of floss coming out of her mouth. I took some turns wiggling it, and Kylee took some turns wiggling it, and FINALLY it came out. Thank goodness.

November 12, 2010: Mel made quesadillas for dinner and Kylee must have been pretty tired because she threw a huge fit when the rice was put on the side of the plate instead of inside the quesadilla. She was crying for a while and finally I told her she needed to go to timeout. Then she yelled “You guys aren’t the boss of me! Jesus is!” Mel and I both grinned at each other and bit our lips so we wouldn’t laugh.

November 18, 2010: Mel and the kids raked leaves at Marie’s house. I guess Jackson didn’t realize that there were still tons of leaves on the trees and he said “Mom, this seems a lot easier than last year. Does that mean I’m a man?”

Our family is so blessed. I couldn’t have asked for a better year. (Unless you could erase that little food poisoning incident I experienced in May.) Happy holidays from our family to yours. Wishing you a happy New Year with no hairs in your broccoli cheddar soup! Love, the Reese Gang

The Misery Of Snow Camping

2010-12-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

Recently it snowed. Maybe you're thinking "What's the big deal nimrod?" Well, it's a big deal because it hardly ever snows in our lovely neck of the woods. Granted, the snowfall totaled about a fourth of an inch. But hey, it snowed.

It got me thinking about the most miserable experience I ever had in the snow. This traumatizing event was courtesy of the Boy Scouts of America. If ever an act of child abuse was committed, this was it. Our scout leaders had the audacity to......wait for it......wait for it......take us on a winter campout ..... in the mountains ..... in snow up to our waists ..... with no tents. Yep, amigo. You read that right. NO TENTS.

And why weren't there any tents? Because we were about to create a shelter even better than a tent - a snow cave. Whoever's idea this was ought to be shot. The leaders had us take the Lazy-Man-Approach-To-Snow-Caves: we just removed snow from under some picnic tables which were already covered by a few feet of snow. That seemed easy enough.

We situated our bedding in the snow caves, then went to sit around the fire. And I swear to you, without a hint of exaggeration, that my toes froze completely solid. You could have broke them off like peanut brittle. And then it was time to go to bed. And the longest 8 hours of my life began.

My Walmart special sleeping bag didn't quite cut it in the Arctic tundra. I might as well have taken a bed sheet. But wait, it gets worse. After about 15 minutes in our snow cave, it started dripping. And dripping. And dripping. Eventually the top of my sleeping bag was soaking. And the bottom of my sleeping bag was in a puddle of water. And did I mention we were inside SNOW?!?! I'm positive that nobody else inside our cave slept for a single second. But nobody said a word. We all laid there in quiet, tortured silence praying that our lives would end quickly.

I can assure you with full confidence that I will never, ever, ever, never go on a winter camping trip ever again. Never. Ever.

Tomorrow Is A New Day

2010-12-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

At This Very Moment

2010-11-30T22:58:00.001-07:00

At this very moment, it is 10:58pm.
I am staying up until midnight when registration begins for the Utah Grand Slam (run 4 marathons over the course of a few months this summer).
The Grand Slam is hard to get into, just a limited number of spots. Maybe I could just do it in the morning. But I would punch myself in the ear if by chance other neurotic people are sitting around their computers too, and when I wake up in the morning all the slots are filled.
Part of me is thinking this is foolish. I must have been dropped on my head too many times as a child.
Do yourself a favor and read THIS blog post by Fat Cyclist about getting a massage. I laughed until I cried.
I didn't eat hardly any junk food today.
(I had to make up for multiple indiscretions yesterday.)
The latest book I'm reading is called Overdosed America. I highly recommend it, although it will make you nervous to go to the doctor.
Eggnog? I saw eggnog at the grocery store today and thought to myself "Does anybody really drink eggnog?" The very word sounds yucky. Why would someone willingly put something into their stomach that ended with "nog"?
Is it midnight yet?

Kids Like Peas

2010-11-28T14:30:00.002-07:00

Apparently, children like peas. Well, if the peas have black eyes.

In our primary class at church our sweet little 8-year-olds were working on a project. And suddenly out of nowhere one of these sweet little 8-year-old boys started singing.

He proceeded to sing EVERY single word to a Black Eyed Peas song. I'm talking every word. If it hadn't been for the high-pitched voice, you'd think an actual Pea was there in our classroom. You know that song "I Got A Feeling"? Yep, that one. (I'll pause for a moment to apologize for the fact that this song will now be stuck in your head for the next 14 hours.)

And, speaking of peas......

see more Funny Graphs

Mesquite Marathon

2010-11-21T15:18:00.004-07:00

I ran my sixth marathon yesterday, the Mesquite Marathon. To read the story, see the pictures, and watch the video, CLICK HERE. (www.fastcory.com)

My Happiness Project - Part Three

2010-11-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

I highlighted lots of information as I was reading The Happiness Project. Some of the pieces became part of my Personal Commandments. But there were many more aspects that I thought were important to consider as I work on boosting happiness. They are like valuable little nuggets of wisdom. Rubin calls these little reminders her Happiness Manifesto.

Even though the commandments provide some overarching principles, I liked having these things to remember during the course of each day to keep me on track. These got added to my bathroom mirror too. So….without further adieu….here is my Happiness Manifesto:

The days are long, but the years are short.
"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; one of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.”
Don't compare yourself to others.
Accept the things you can't control.
Don't gossip.
Enjoy the process.
Don't complain.
Honor God.
Be positive - in thought and speech. Re-frame negative thoughts.
Live simply.
Don't take it personal.
Look for reasons to laugh.
You're not happy unless you think you're happy.
Lighten up.
Be forgiving.
Don't buy useless crap.
Make footprints: "I was here!"
If you can't get out of it, get into it.
"It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light." G.K. Chesterton
Do it now.
Choose to be happy, not right.
Imagine the eulogy - how do I want to be remembered?
Be a haven.

My Happiness Project - Part Two

2010-11-18T19:47:00.001-07:00

The first step I learned from The Happiness Project was to make a list of my Personal Commandments. For me, the personal commandments are some core principles that I want to use to guide my life. When I follow these guidelines, I am more likely to feel happy. I had a long list of possibilities for my Commandments but I eventually narrowed them down to ten. I chose these particular ten because I believe in them very deeply, but I also have lots of room for improvement in each of them. None of them are easy and I don’t do any of them perfectly. They give me a good challenge. My Personal Commandments are:

1) Act the way you want to feel.
2) Do what ought to be done.
3) Be present in the moment.
4) Be kinder than necessary.
5) There is only love.
6) Live deliberately.
7) Say “yes” to life.
8) Smile always.
9) Spend out. (Taken from the Happiness Project book which talked about not taking things for granted, and celebrating the small victories of each day. Don’t save the nice dishes for a special occasion – because EVERY day is a special occasion.)
10) Be Cory.

I printed off my Personal Commandments and taped them on my bathroom mirror. If I’m really going to work on these, I need constant reminders. So here is the challenge: figure out what YOUR personal commandments are.

My Happiness Project - Part One

2010-11-17T18:42:00.000-07:00

I’d like to tell you about a fantastic book that I read recently called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The book is based on her experience over the course of one year where she focused on boosting happiness. She chose a different area of her life for each month and had specific tools to strengthen happiness, such as:
Remember Love (Marriage)
Aim Higher (Work)
Lighten Up (Parenthood)
Keep A Contented Heart (Attitude)

For me, the structure of the book was perfect. Instead of a general discussion about how to be happy, these are real, everyday tools we can use. And the tools she talks about seem to come from three main areas: 1) Research, 2) Her personal experience, and 3) Suggestions from people who have truly mastered happiness.

Originally I checked out the book from the library. I returned it after two days and ordered it from Amazon because I quickly realized that this is a book that I would need to underline and write in my own notes.

I could really relate to Rubin who said that her purpose in doing her own Happiness Project wasn’t because she was particularly unhappy. In fact, she felt quite happy. But she had a nagging sense that maybe she was letting some important things pass her by, or maybe wasn’t sucking everything out of life that she could. I sometimes feel that way too.

And so, over the next few days, I’ll share with you how I incorporated her tools into my own Happiness Project. Stay tuned!

The Hostess Diet

2010-11-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

Looking for another reason to register for the upcoming Hostess Half Marathon on December 18th? Look no farther than THIS article from CNN.

My brother forwarded me this story of a NUTRITION PROFESSOR (!!!) who lost 27 POUNDS (!!!) over two months on a Hostess diet. I ain't kidding you! Read the story. If it's on the internet, it must be true.

Feel free to start your own Hostess diet during the race. To earn a medal, runners must eat a Hostess product at each aid station spaced approximately two miles apart. Pick your poison: we'll have Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and bite-size donuts.

The deadline for race registration is December 4th. CLICK HERE for the link to the registration form. Bring your shoes. Bring your speed. Bring your appetite.

The Horrors Of Middle School

2010-11-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

Recently our family watched the movie Diary Of A Wimpy Kid. It’s a good thing the movie was funny. Otherwise it may have triggered post-traumatic stress disorder. I could relate to WAY too many things in the movie.

While watching, I recalled a few situations that made 7th through 9th grade miserable:

1) Mt. Jordan Middle School was an oven. Seriously. It was an oven with desks inside. The school was old and had no air conditioning. You could have baked a loaf of bread in my math class. I always felt so sad for my history teacher Mr. Murphy. He had the hottest classroom in the school and he always had enormous sweat tacos under his armpits.

2) PE Class: are you kidding me? I could write a Bible-sized story just about the misery of PE. This is going to come as a shocker, but in middle school I was (am) a scrony, skinny weakling. “Shirts and Skins” is a cruel punishment passed down from Hitler to PE teachers.

We didn’t play Dodge Ball in middle school. It was called “War Ball” (for good reason). Apparently bouncy balls are for sissies. We used fully inflated volley balls. I had braces, and a few times my face got an up-close-and-personal meeting with a volley ball traveling the speed of sound. The inside of my mouth resembled bloody ground hamburger. Sometimes I would pretend I got out and go stand on the side just to minimize the carnage.

3) Home Economics: I don’t remember what we actually DID in the class. I just remember that our teacher was MEAN. And if you got in trouble, the punishment was to go to the classroom across the hall and sit in “The Box”. I am among the lucky majority who never saw The Box. I don’t know if anyone ever returned from The Box. I don’t know what happened in The Box. Maybe kids got water-boarded.

I’m sure there were many other traumatic experiences that my brain has protectively blocked as a way to prevent life-long mental scars.

What was your most miserable middle school experience?

The Piggy Back Ride Dilemma

2010-11-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

I had a sad realization Sunday afternoon. Our family took advantage of the awesome weather to go on a walk around the neighborhood. Along the way my two little girls asked if I'd give them a ride on my shoulders. I can't turn down a question like that.

But I realized that they are getting bigger. They aren't the little people they used to bed. And I thought to myself "What if this is the last time I ever give my kids a piggy back ride?" That thought made me sad. I wished that I could freeze time and keep everything exactly how it is right now.

And then I remembered a quote I heard from author Richard Paul Evans years ago. He was writing about feeling sad that his daughter was growing up, and then came to a realization that has stuck with me ever since I heard it:

"To hold the note is to spoil the song."

Kids grow up. Things change. You won't be able to let them ride on your shoulders forever. But maybe this is all part of "the song". It was a good reminder to me that I need to slow down and enjoy the music.

(I may also start weight lifting so I can provide piggy back rides until at least seventh grade.)

God Is Up To Something

2010-11-05T21:25:00.000-06:00

Strength, Courage, and Confidence

2010-11-03T21:09:00.000-06:00

Recently I saw some cool quote pictures which were conveniently sized to fit perfectly for a computer wallpaper/desktop. So I thought I'd try my hand at it with some pictures of my own. Here is #1:

What NOT To Wear For Halloween

2010-11-02T18:13:00.000-06:00

A week ago with Halloween approaching, Mel's sister brought over a clogging uniform that she had worn when she was 12 years old and dared me to squeeze myself into it. I'm always up for a challenge so I took a deep breath in and pulled the shirt over me. And I thought to myself "Hmmm, I guess this would be an okay costume for Halloween."

And then I looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked so completely ridiculous that I laughed until I cried. It was the kind of laugh that makes your stomach hurt. I looked like a mix of:

1) A frizzy poodle.
2) Neil Diamond's sequins.
3) A younger Richard Simmons.
4) A cheerleader who fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Our family did a 5k fundraiser race on Saturday where costumes were encouraged. I abandoned every ounce of self-dignity and wore the costume for the race. I fully admit that it should be illegal to look like this in public.

I ran the race in 25 minutes, then participated in the Men's Sprint race afterward. And then my friend Tom had a genius idea: I competed in the Women's Sprint race right afterward.

So to all you innocent community members who happened to be driving down the road on Saturday and witnessed an ugly man/woman in red sequins running down the street, I am deeply sorry that this horrific image was burned into your mind. I pray that you will one day forgive me for the mental anguish I have caused.

I LOVE Baseball

2010-10-27T18:20:00.000-06:00

Baseball is hazardous to my health. I love playoff baseball. Love it. I get as giddy as a pre-teen girl at a Justin Bieber concert in the weeks leading up to the World Series. And finally, like the excitement of Christmas morning, the World Series has arrived! Game one tonight!

The only problem is that I usually record the baseball games and then watch them after the kids have gone to bed. This distraction-free time with just me and the players is invaluable. When the kids are awake, I'm busy with homework, making dinner, or cleaning punch off the floor for the 39th time. But when the kids are asleep, I can get absorbed in every glorious minute of playoff baseball. It. Is. Heaven.

And then I make a casual glance at the clock and gasp in horror. 12:30am. Woops! My late nights have left me dragging for a few weeks but I wouldn't change a thing.

For you seven other people across the nation who actually watch baseball, my prediction is Rangers in 6 games. And remember, that alarm clock in the morning is going to HURT.

Dear Universe

2010-10-26T20:14:00.002-06:00

The universe is testing my patience. Dear universe: I'd appreciate it if you would stop testing my patience.

Yesterday morning I went out to the car to leave for work. And to my unwelcome surprise, one of the car tires was dead as a door nail. (It was flat. But saying "Flat as a door nail doesn't quite work.)

I hope I'm not tempting fate when I tell you that I have never changed a tire before. I have seen a tire changed. And I've helped change a tire before. But I've never had all the weight on my shoulders. In past situations, I've been fortunate enough to be in the same car with an actual man who knows how to actually change a tire. So I hand tools around and try to fake that I actually know what I'm doing. I think if there were no other options, I probably could change a tire. It might take me seventeen hours to do it, but I think I could make it happen. I was relieved yesterday morning that a can of Fix A Flat was able to get me to the mechanic where a real man could fix my dilemma.

And then to add insult to injury, the universe threw me another curve ball as I was leaving for work this morning. I was walking to the car and saw the sprinklers on. Peculiar, since the sprinklers came on at night. I went to the timer box and turned off the sprinklers. But.....they didn't turn off. I went to the valve box and everything was off.....but the sprinklers were still going. I went to the backyard.....and it was flooded. The sprinklers were just bubbling under a pool of water. I managed to turn off the main water valve.....and the sprinklers turned off.

I have a sick suspicion that somewhere within the parameters of my yard, there is a broken water pipe. I have a sick suspicion that the next few nights will involve lots of digging.....and lots of repairs.....and lots of hours.

I think the universe is making me prove that I deserve to keep my Man Card.

Changing Autumn Leaves At Kolob Reservoir

2010-10-24T18:57:00.007-06:00

Last week I saw my brother-in-law Matt's amazing pictures from Kolob Reservoir. The autumn leaves were changing and it looked like the hills surrounding the water were on fire. I headed up twice and here are a few of the pictures I got:

Free CD - If You Can Beat Me

2010-10-23T21:34:00.003-06:00

I came across a blog post from a few years ago where I was talking a moderate amount of smack for my typing skillz. (As Napoleon Dynamite would say, I have bow staff skills, nun chuck skills, typing skills....)

For fun I took the speed typing test again and beat my score from two years ago by NINE words on my second try.

Until November 12th, I will give a free CD to anyone who can beat me at this typing test. It takes one minute, and you have to post your score here.

89 words

Typing Test

Read it and weep suckers! Take this typing challenge and post your score. And make sure you include how humbled you were by the typing master of disaster.

How To Ruin Dinner

2010-10-19T20:17:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time (August) we went to a family reunion with my wife's side of the family. The reunion was complete with camping, fishing, junk food, and dentures found in the medicine cabinet.

One night my father-in-law Mark was in charge of dinner: Dutch oven chicken and potatoes. He spent hours preparing the food, then protecting the Dutch ovens from the pouring rain. He was a proud, protective father ensuring that his family was fed with best food this side of the Mississippi. And it's a darn good thing that the dinner was going to be so good. Because everyone was STARVING. We all hung around the fire like vultures waiting for a scrap of food.

And finally the moment of truth arrived. His male sixth-sense told him that the Dutch oven chicken was done. The lids were pulled off and a gasp went through the crowd. There was no longer chicken in the Dutch oven. It was like asphalt. The "chicken" was blacker than the charcoal they cooked on. (Remember on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswold cuts open the turkey? Our scene was very similar.)

Mark was distraught. And instead of Dutch oven chicken and potatoes we ate........cereal.

Here is an actual picture of the ~~wreckage~~ chicken:

On Sunday night I learned how Mark felt. I prepared a delicious dinner of Hawaiian pulled pork and rice. Lots of people were coming over for dinner. As the food was being served, I realized that the rice was no longer rice. It looked more like a pot of wet newspaper. And it tasted worse than wet newspaper (not that I've eaten a New York Times before, I'm only assuming).

And the tender pulled pork? I guarantee that a Siamese cat would taste better than the meat I made. (Again, not that I've eaten a cat. Well, unless you count the local Chinese restaurant I went to.) My only regret about the meal I prepared is that we didn't pull out the Lucky Charms.

Family Pictures

2010-10-15T17:24:00.001-06:00

If your kids are anything like mine (could live on ice cream, and don't understand the concept of a "clean room"), they grow like weeds! Honestly, sometimes our kitchen seems like a 24 hour cafe. Time passes quickly and kids grow up fast.

Have you had family pictures taken lately? If not, I have the perfect solution. I'll be doing some blocks of family photo sessions coming up in a few weeks. When you reserve your time, I'll provide you with the location and some ideas for clothing that will look cool for pictures.

Your family will spend a half hour in front of the camera doing some family pictures as well as some individual shots. But this is just half of the fun. After that I will go through the pictures and professionally edit the best pictures, boost colors, add texture to some of them, and give you a disc of 10-15 high-resolution images.

I will also give you a photography release so that you can use the pictures for ANYTHING (enlargements for the house, your blog, Facebook, Christmas cards, etc.). The cost for the photography session, picture CD, and release is $100.

I will be in Hurricane on Saturday, November 6th from 1-5pm and St. George on November 13th from 1-5pm. To reserve your spot call me at 435-862-6521 or email cory@coryreese.com . Call now before spots fill up and I'll see you soon!

At The Elementary School

2010-10-14T21:48:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I went to the elementary school to help out in the kid’s classrooms. This is one of my absolute favorite things to do. Here are a few things I saw:

1) Three children feverishly working at getting out a loose tooth . One of these children happened to be mine. (I'm happy to report - mission accomplished later in the day.)

2) I LOVE working with kids who are just learning to read and write. Their spelling is always so literal. One little girl in first grade showed me a sentence she was working on. Here is a fun challenge: decipher this part of her sentence --- Skuwl Kulrs. Did you figure it out? She was writing about her SCHOOL COLORS!

3) In the second grade, kids were writing about who their hero is. My daughter said her hero is her mom. And would you like to know how she arrived at this decision? Because mom makes yummy pancakes and sometimes even makes cinnamon rolls. (She included a picture of a large cinnamon roll.) This is further proof that she is my daughter.

4) Hard-working, dedicated, caring teachers. The fact that these teachers can effectively wrangle a room full of six or seven year olds ALL day is miraculous, commendable, and worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. I imagine that their job is similar to putting a bunch of cats in a bag, shaking it around, and then trying to teach the cats how to conjugate verbs.

Good Music from Matthew West

2010-10-13T20:35:00.001-06:00

There aren't too many musicians that I like enough to pull out my wallet and buy each new CD they have. But Matthew West is one of those guys that I'll pre-order his CD before I even hear it. CLICK HERE to visit his website.

He just came out with a new CD called The Story Of Your Life which has some great songs, but my favorite is "My Own Little World". This is a bare bones acoustic version of the song. I really love this song. I think you will too. Enjoy!

The School Picnic

2010-10-12T20:49:00.003-06:00

Last night we had the pleasure of attending the annual elementary school picnic. What is that you say? You don't know what an elementary school picnic is? Allow me to describe:

1) Elementary school administrators obtain every ketchup packet within a 5-county radius.
2) Teachers are hanging out in faculty meeting when the principal says "Who wants to be in charge of barbecuing the hot dogs at the picnic?" And everyone screams "NOT IT!!!!!!"
3) A few teachers are sleeping and don't hear the question. So the names of those sorry suckers are written down on the naughty list and become the official barbequers.
4) Those teachers then realize that they are in charge of barbecuing 7,200 hot dogs. They start to cry uncontrollably.

Okay, I admit it. All those descriptions are purely speculative. But I'd be willing to bet that this is what happens.

But what I AM sure of is what happens at exactly 6:00pm on the night of the picnic: approximately 7,200 elementary school children, their parents, aunts, uncles, third cousins, cashiers at Home Depot, and every other breathing mammal within a 5-county radius shows up and gets in line for a free hot dog and chips. Laughs are shared, bonds are formed, and great fun is had by all. It's amazing how many people will show up for free food (guilty).

Gas Station Hot Dogs

2010-10-10T13:24:00.003-06:00

I need a dietary intervention. I once saw a show called Intervention where someone was struggling with drug abuse, so all his family members held a meeting to confront him on his negative behaviors. They told him how much he needed to change.

I have been eating so poorly that I need an intervention. A few days ago I only had a few minutes away from work to grab lunch. I actually stopped at Subway to get a semi-healthy lunch. But the line reached to Massachusetts. One woman had been waiting so long that she decided to catch a power nap. So I left. Time was dwindling, so I did what any rushed American with absolutely no self-respect would do. I stopped at the gas station and got a large Coke/Diet Coke fountain drink, a large peanut butter cookie, and a nasty gas station hot dog.

Yes, dear friend. I ate one of those gas station hot dogs. You know, the ones on the rollers that have been there since April? Fear not, I put some nacho cheese on the hot dog to drown out the taste of toxic mold and bacteria. Starving children in Ethiopia would not eat one of those things. You have permission to slap me.

And then the very next day my minimal amount of self-control went on vacation. And I ate a huge plate of carne asada fries:

I was almost positive that this one meal alone would clog every artery in my body. I told the wife to keep the car keys handy because I'd need a quick trip to the ER in a few minutes when my heart attack started. I will let you know what room I'm in at the hospital. So you can bring me a peanut butter cookie.

Running The St. George Marathon

2010-10-03T12:31:00.002-06:00

St. George Marathon 2010: 5 Hours & 26 Minutes!!

This marathon weekend was one of the most fun experiences of my whole life. It started Friday night when we went to the marathon expo. We went to the First Timer's clinic by Terry Tucker which was excellent. He said that he did everyone a favor and took down the wall at mile 20. He said that people hit a wall at mile 20 because they think that is what's supposed to happen. They expect it. And so that's what happens. He suggested that runners get that out of their minds and decide that if they are going to "hit the wall", they can do it at mile 27. Great advice!

We also picked up our race packets. The St. George Marathon prints a poster every year that they give to all 7400 runners. I was surprised when I looked at this year's poster to see that it was one of the pictures I took during last year's race! They contacted me a few months ago to ask if they could use a picture in one of their publications, but didn't tell me that it would be the official race poster. What a cool surprise!

Saturday morning we rode the bus with our friends Darin and Shelly to the starting line in Central, Utah. The bus to the marathon is always full of 1) Nervous chatter, 2) Anxiety, and 3) The penetrating smell of Bengay. Before the bus started, the driver told us where the exits were, how to locate a fire extinguisher, and where the emergency brake was in case she wasn't able to stop the bus. One witty runner said "You haven't told us what to do in case of a water landing."

Prayers were answered and we arrived at the starting line without needing to use the fire extinguisher or perform CPR on the bus driver. We stopped for the customary Start Line picture:

And now for the funniest story of the day: The marathon was a few minutes from start time and lots of runners headed for the hills, bushes, and trees in the dark for a last-minute bathroom break. Mel decided she'd head for a bush too. A few minutes later I could smell her coming back. She was distraught and said that in the darkness of the bushes she stepped in someone's poop! She did her best to wipe it off, but it still sloshed out the holes of her shoes when she stepped down. This is evidence of the fact that I love my wife: I still agreed to run with her for the next 5+ hours DESPITE her smell.

From the moment the race started, it was very, very warm. I was a bit concerned when I was already sweating my guts out at mile one. That is unusual for me. Mile one was miserable. Not because of the race, but because of the guy who was running by us. He reminded me of a very un-funny Jerry Seinfeld. "Man, there sure are a lot of shirts on the side of the road." And now for the punch line......(wait for it....wait for it.....) "Man, someone is going to get themselves a free shirt after the race." Instead of getting laughs, I think I heard crickets chirping after the joke. People were not impressed. This continued on for 10 minutes before we stopped to walk and let Seinfeld move ahead. Seinfeld is lucky nobody was carrying a pocket knife. Otherwise he may have been the first death ever at the St. George Marathon.

The marathon is such an incredible experience to be part of. There is such an energy and excitement and togetherness among the runners. It is incredible to look ahead of you and behind you and see thousands of other runners weaving through the hills. This is one of my favorite pictures I took from yesterday:

Around mile 2 a girl came up to us and said "Hey! Cory Reese! I will be listening to some of your songs while I'm running today." I suggested she find some different running music. One of the things I loved most was taking pictures during the race (117 pictures to be exact). One lady saw me taking a picture and said "Do you want me to take a picture of you guys?" (Runners are very kind.) Two thumbs up for her photography skills:

At mile 7 we reached the most intimidating part of the course, the dreaded Veyo Hill. I appreciated this sign as we were heading up the hill:

We were thankful to be done with Veyo and reach the aid station at mile 9. Unfortunately this little stunt left me with orange pulp in my teeth for the next hour or two:

We spent some time running with our kid's awesome first grade teacher and 21-time marathon runner Mrs. McCombs. I love this picture where I happened to catch her looking back to provide some encouragement and moral support. This is what the marathon is all about: everyone helping everyone make it to the finish line.

I am convinced that running through Snow Canyon is one of the most amazing things in the world. Here is a glimpse of the Snow Canyon aid station.

By mile 18 it had become ridiculously hot (Ridiculously hot = 94 degrees. Seriously.). Dehydration had set in and many people had started the marathon death shuffle.

Alex: "Welcome to Jeopardy."
Cory: "Alex, I'd like to take Heat Stroke for $600."

Every once in a while we would see a shuttle drive by, with its welcoming doors wide open offering runners its comfy seats, air conditioning, and a ride to the finish line. It seemed like a vulture circling around a wounded animal expecting to get a meal soon. But none of the runners I saw gave in to the temptation.

The Young Women in our ward did a project where they made signs for everyone in the neighborhood who was running the marathon. I thought this was so thoughtful and the signs helped us stay positive so we didn't become dinner for the vulture.

At mile 20 I saw this random stranger holding a sign up for me which gave me an enormous boost. I was surprised that I had become such a well-known member of the community! Oh......wait...............

Within the last few miles all fluid had been leeched out of our bodies. If we had been grapes at the starting line, we were now raisins. Like those really shriveled, hard raisins that you buy at Walmart. It was 94 degrees outside and we had been running for five hours. These big water misters were a welcome sight. If you had come up to Mel and said "Listen, you look like a raisin. I will give you $1000 and tickets to see Oprah, or you can walk through my water mister." she wouldn't have thought twice. She'd take the mister.

Mel's goal for the race was 5 hours and 30 minutes which I thought may be a bit ambitious. But within the last few miles I knew she could do it. I pushed her to keep going and ensured her that she would thank me later even though in the moment she may have wanted to ram an ice pick through my eyeball. We were passing lots of people and it was a cool feeling to be running while everyone else was walking. We did the Galloway run/walk method and passed LOTS of people who cruised by us earlier on in the race.

You will never believe who we caught in the last mile: SEINFELD! Unfortunately he had the last laugh and sped past us at the end. In the last stretch we saw lots of friends, and Mel's mom and sister who brought the kids in to see us run. We were so thankful for them.

We reached the finish line in 5 hours and 26 minutes, so Mel beat her personal record by 35 minutes! Amazing. I was pretty overheated and gave myself a 63% chance of throwing up (fortunately I beat the odds). The St. George Marathon does an incredible job with the finishers area and has tons of good food available. I had been so excited to eat a month's worth of Blue Bunny Ice Cream. Unfortunately by that point my stomach felt so sick that I didn't really want to eat anything. I managed to get down half of an ice cream sandwich.

I felt really proud of Mel. She worked hard in her training, pushed through some challenging times during the race when she wasn't feeling very good, and earned herself a PR. A year ago she wanted to run a marathon but didn't want to do it by herself. I told her that if she really wanted to run a marathon, I would run it with her. It was rewarding to have that day arrive.

I felt really proud of myself. I ran 4 marathons in less than 4 months and feel like I have learned so much since I did my first marathon a year ago. I once saw a Nike quote that said "Running never takes more than it gives back." I think this is so true. This was one of the best experiences of my life.

"Believe deep down in your heart that you're destined to do great things."
~ Joe Paterno

So......did you run the race? If so, how did it go? Did the heat make you want to attack Jerry Seinfeld with a pocket knife?

I Look Like A Cheerleader

2010-09-28T20:35:00.004-06:00

Allow me to share with you a post from my marathon training website www.fastcory.com . I invite you to stop by for a visit sometime. I attempt to make the stories and pictures readable for runners and non-runners alike. (PS: The words "Fast" and "Cory" are an oxymoron.) (PSS: After reading this entry you will think the word "Cory" is simply a moron.)

One of the athletes I admire most is runner and World Record holder Usain Bolt who absolutely embarrassed his competition at the Olympics. He is CRAZY fast and confident.

I made an enormous mistake at the recent Top Of Utah Marathon. I always try to ham it up for the race photographers, and this race was no exception. Then I remembered a cool action that Usain Bolt made when he set the world record at the Olympics. Well, I kind of remembered what he did. I thought I would try to mimic his Superman move, which was highly ironic since he’s so fast, and I’m so, well, not fast.

My fatal flaw was the complete lack of preparation and research about exactly WHAT Bolt did. I THOUGHT I remembered. But obviously there was a blemish in my memory. This resulted in a blatant injustice to Bolt. Just look at this comparison in our posture:

Here are the major problems:
1) Usain Bolt looks incredibly awesome.
2) I, on the other hand, look like an incredibly nerdy cheerleader.

Honestly, this is just ridiculous. I ~~ought to be~~ am ashamed of myself. Here are the main differences between me and Bolt.

1) Bolt has his fingers pointed up. I have my fists clenched.
2) Bolt is strong and muscular. I am skinny and gangly.
3) Bolt is wearing his country’s flag. I am wearing a fanny pack.

I’d like to assure you that I’ve learned my lesson. I will never again try to feebly attempt to imitate someone cool without first researching exactly WHAT they do. With luck I hope to avoid any future impressions of looking like a cheerleader going to cheer at a chess tournament.

Very Funny Graphs

2010-09-21T22:04:00.000-06:00

Some of the pictures on www.graphjam.com made my eyes water because I was laughing so hard. Here are a few good ones:

see more Funny Graphs

see more Funny Graphs

see more Funny Graphs

see more Funny Graphs

see more Funny Graphs

see more Funny Graphs

see more Funny Graphs

Top Of Utah Marathon Review

2010-09-19T21:15:00.002-06:00

Why hello! Yesterday I ran the Top Of Utah Marathon in a hair over 4 hours (38 hairs over 4 hours to be exact).

To read the highly exciting story and see all the highly picturesque pictures CLICK HERE to visit the running website.

Sunflower Pictures

2010-09-16T19:16:00.000-06:00

On Sunday my brother-in-law Matt and I drove up toward Kolob (by Zion National Park) to take some pictures. There were fields blooming with the most sunflowers I had ever seen. Here are a few pictures I snapped:

An Interview With Myself

2010-09-15T18:01:00.000-06:00

Cory: I’d like to thank you for allowing me to interview you today.

Cory: No problem. I can be bribed to do anything with sugary junk food.

Cory: Speaking of junk food, it seems like you mention Hostess Donuts a lot on your website.

Cory: Weird, I’ve noticed that too. Here’s the deal: I like candy and junk food just as much as the next guy. But Hostess Donuts are in a completely different ball park. They are incredible. On the seventh day...God created Hostess Donuts. Plus, since I’m running, I can make a legitimate argument that Hostess Donuts count as carbo-loading.

Cory: What is your most embarrassing moment?

Cory: Boy, that's hard to narrow down. One that comes to mind is when I was a youngster passing the sacrament at church. I accidentally bumped the tray of water on a bench and spilled the whole tray of water into some lady's lap. What do you say after that? "Sorry. Here, let me wipe that off for you." Uh, don't think so. So you just stand there looking dumb.

Cory: Understood. Thanks for the clarification. And your thoughts on Taylor Swift?

Cory: Hmmm, I’m a little uncomfortable answering this question. At the risk of surrendering my Man Card, I’ll admit that I don’t mind her music. I don’t actively seek it out, but I’m okay being a casual listener. I think she’s a good singer and song-writer.

Cory: So if that puts your Man Card in jeopardy, here’s your chance for redemption. What is the most manly thing you do?

Cory: Feed the kids cereal for dinner when mom’s not home.

Cory: The kids must love you!

Cory: They don’t call me Cap'n Crunch for nothing.

Cory: Alright, lets stop dancing around the elephant in the room. Don’t you find it a bit peculiar that you are interviewing yourself?

Cory: Good point. But it’s not nearly as peculiar as other things I do. Such as watching baseball on television. And enjoying it.

Cory: You’ve got to be kidding! I thought they were using baseball on television as a way to torture prisoners of war.

Cory: Gosh, you don’t need to be rude about it.

Cory: Sorry, my bad. I’d like to thank you for this fascinating interview.

Cory: My pleasure. It’s my night for dinner. Pass the Frosted Flakes.

Super Sidewalk Chalk

2010-09-14T06:34:00.000-06:00

I thought I had reached the maximum limit of my artistic ability earlier in the year while face painting at the kid's birthday party.

But I think my abilities reached a new level (not necessarily an improvement) on Saturday when the kids and I decorated the driveway with sidewalk chalk. So lets play a game: Was This Picture Drawn by Child Or Adult?

Question #1: Was this ladybug drawn by child or adult?

Answer: Child (Danica)

Question #2: Was this boy drawn by child or adult?

Answer: Child (Jackson)

Question #3: Was this alligator drawn by child or adult?

Answer: Child (Kylee)

Question #4: Was this giraffe drawn by child or adult?

Answer: (While hiding my head in shame) - It was drawn my me.

Question #5: Was this alligator drawn by child or adult?

Answer: I drew it. And it is an alligator. Really! I promise. If nothing else, at least the teeth moderately resemble an alligator. My alligator was asked by a child to wear a bow ~~in it's hair~~ on it's scalp. And the alligator does have a tail, it just got cut off by the camera. Unfortunately seeing the tail doesn't help convince anyone that this is an alligator.

I will leave now so the mockery can begin.

Thursday Thoughts

2010-09-09T20:26:00.003-06:00

On a friend's blog I saw a good idea for some random tidbits, so here is my version:

Melanie
1. Has become obsessive/compulsive about getting a bike. “Since you got one, I want to get one too!”
2. Is running the Red Rock Relay this weekend where 12-person teams take turns running a total of 180 miles.
3. Has a secret stash of Hershey candy bars for when times get desperate.

Cory
1. Proudly doing my part to assure that the recession does not impact the manufacturer of Hostess crumb donuts
2. Just started reading the book Twinkie Deconstructed (see review HERE)
3. I have no interest in going to bed before 11:00pm.

Jackson
1. Told me he is nervous to own another bouncy ball. Last time he had one, he threw it against the wall really hard and it bounced back and hit him in the eye. I had to bite my lip when he told me the story.
2. Is absolutely incredible at playing the piano.
3. Likes to sleep on the tile floor because it is cold.

Danica
1. Has some mad jump roping skillz.
2. Working on losing her front tooth – which is so loose it would probably flap in the wind.
3. Could live on banana bread and Macaroni & Cheese.

Kylee
1. Is petrified of bugs.
2. Insists on dressing herself and often looks like Punky Brewster – very cute.
3. Got hit in the head with a water bottle someone threw from a float during the parade this weekend.

Beware Of Flying Poop

2010-09-01T21:30:00.002-06:00

Remember the saying "You learn something new everyday?"

Here's the new thing I learned today: You must be very careful when you are spraying the dog poop off your shoes after you finish mowing the lawn. If the hose water hits the shoes at the wrong angle - your face will be sprayed with poopy water.

And there is your lesson for the day. You are welcome.

Guilty Pleasures

2010-08-31T20:55:00.002-06:00

I was reading some comments on a "running website" that brought an instant smile to my face. They were talking about guilty pleasures - the things we love to eat even though we really know we shouldn't. My guilty pleasures are:

Peanut butter cookies from Maverik.
Hostess crumb donuts.
Diet Mountain Dew
Pumpkin pie
Sugar Puffs / Frosted Flakes / Cocoa Pebbles

Usually I have a moderate degree of self-control. But if I had my choice, these are the only foods that would be on the food guide pyramid. Fruits and vegetables are for hippies.

The other comments I read were so funny. Jeff said: "Easter may not be good for the waist line. Fortunately Peeps are mostly air, right?"

Then Amy said "They are air....stick them in the microwave and watch 'em!! Not air = chocolate bars, pb/chocolate eggs" etc.

And Mike said "Had to have my wife talk me down from getting a Big Mac, and extra large fries on the way home from work tonight. I really, really, really, really(not enough really's here) wanted those fries."

Mike may be my long-lost twin.

I Am Very Attractive

2010-08-29T15:29:00.001-06:00

I believe I am VERY, VERY attractive. Not the kind of attractive where people of the opposite gender find me visually appealing. Not the kind of attractive where girls showed even a sliver of interest in middle school. Not the kind of attractive where women wonder if I enjoy candle-lit dinners and long walks on the beach. In fact, with my looks, it is possible that my wife had glaucoma while we were dating.

Nope, not physically attractive. I am very attractive to MOSQUITOES.

It is the one thing I dread about summer. I inevitably have numerous mosquito bites, which I may be allergic to, because they all swell up to the size of a 50 cent piece.

Yesterday on my arm I found 7 bites within a one-inch radius. SEVEN! This is completely unacceptable. My flesh does not appreciate this. I have no idea when this could have happened. Other than the marathon a week ago, I haven't really been outside. And I think even mosquitoes would have the decency to not bite someone who is in the middle of running 26 miles.

Wo is me. Such is the life of someone who is so attractive.

An Unexpected Hood Ornament

2010-08-26T21:07:00.001-06:00

Through the darkness I saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes on the side of the road. I was driving down the freeway at night on my way to Cedar City many years ago. A few minutes passed and then I saw another set of glowing eyes ahead. And then, a split second later a deer decided that he wanted to stand in front of my truck.

Sadly, for the deer, this was not the wisest place to stand. I don't understand the cognitive reasoning of deciding that it is a good idea to jump in front of a vehicle that is traveling 75 miles per hour. The deer was obviously a teenager to think it was a good idea to do something that is so obviously dumb.

This deer didn't have too long to think about his foolish decision though. Because pretty quickly he was splattered all over the front of my truck. I'm hoping this doesn't come as a complete surprise, but a deer carcass splattered all over the road and your car is not a pretty sight. In fact it's just downright disgusting.

It is frustrating that this deer decided to run in front of my truck. I've seen office furniture that has more intelligence than this deer. I would have appreciated if he had avoided becoming my hood ornament.

We Ran A Marathon

2010-08-22T21:32:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we ran the Park City Marathon, finishing in 6 hours and 1 minute. Even though it sounds crazy to me that we ran 26.2 miles, it seems just as crazy that we were running for 6 HOURS. Considering my body (with its terrible knees and frequent consumption of Mountain Dew and Hostess), this is truly a miracle.

To see all the pictures and read the marathon story, visit fastcory.blogspot.com.

"It's not like somebody else can run a marathon for you. It's all you out there. Finishing means you can say 'There's not a lot I can't do.'"
~ Kenneth Feld, Owner of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus

My Wife Went Crazy

2010-08-17T17:54:00.003-06:00

I can't tell you exactly what made my wife go crazy. But for some reason all common sense went out the window.

There was a precise moment when I realized that she had lost her marbles. It was when she said to me "I think maybe I'd like to do a marathon."

You see, a few years ago I started running with a goal to complete a marathon. She thought I was positively crazy. She was very clear about the fact that she had absolutely no interest in that insanity. But then one night I walked in the bedroom and she was reading one of my Runner's World magazines. Hmmm. Peculiar.

Then, without an ounce of peer pressure, she said "Maybe I'll start running a little. But I will NEVER run a marathon. Never. I have absolutely no desire."

Somewhere along the line, her brain cells stopped functioning because she abandoned her strict anti-marathon point of view. I told her that if she really wanted to do one, I would run the whole thing with her and we could help each other make it through.

So after many miles and many months of preparation, Mel's first marathon is almost upon us. In 4 days we will be running the Park City Marathon, rumored to be the hardest marathon in Utah. To follow our journey with all the guts and glory, CLICK HERE.

Don't Mess With Me

2010-08-16T21:37:00.002-06:00

A unique situation happened recently which I mentioned on my running blog. I'm deeply grateful I lived to tell about it.

One night Mel and I went on a casual bike ride. I was going down a hill on the side of the road minding my own business when a car pulled up behind me and laid on the horn. I thought it must be one of my friends being obnoxious. But after 10 seconds of honking I turned around to see this punk kid who then sped past me.

I was slightly irritated. Then I saw him pull into the gas station a block ahead. I decided to pull in too and let him know that wasn't very cool. Well it just so happens that as he was pulling into the gas station, he honked at someone else because their door was opened and he couldn't get by (FYI: he could get by.) Thankfully some other patrons saw him being a punk too.

So I pulled my sissy bike up behind his car and waited for him to get out. But when he did, a significant amount of my bravery evaporated. I realized maybe I bit off more than I could chew. It was a punk teenager with six earrings and an attitude. He looked grumpy and mean. I said "Why were you honking at me?" He said in a mega-sassy voice "Cause you were in the middle of the road!" (FYI: I wasn't in the middle of the road.)

So then I said "Oh yea? Why don't you say that to my face! I'm about to give you a five-knuckle introduction. I'll put a bump on your head big enough to have an umbilical cord!"

Disclaimer: I did say the previous sentence to him. In my head.

The other people who saw him honking chimed in, nearly matching the punk's sassy voice and said to him "The world doesn't revolve around you!" Then a bunch of 4-letter words started flying and I figured that was my cue to leave.

I'm sure he was scared to death when he saw me. My enormous muscles intimidate most people. I'm guessing this will be the last time he messes with someone who looks this terrifying:

I Hate Alarm Clocks

2010-08-12T19:37:00.000-06:00

If there's one thing I hate it's the alarm clock. And getting my blood drawn. Okay, if there are two things I hate, they are alarm clocks and getting my blood drawn. Well, and cats. And slow drivers in the fast lane. And seafood. And Fran Drescher's laugh. I hate all of those things too. But I digress.

I hate alarm clocks. Alarm clocks are so, what's the word, inhumaine. I desperately wish that the rising sun could be my alarm clock instead of my current alarm clock which sounds like a car horn honking in my ear canal. Actually it sounds like the horn of a semi truck. Grrr, it really bothers me when semi trucks drive in the fast lane. But I digress.

The only possible way that an alarm clock could be more obnoxious was if the alarm sounded like Fran Drescher's laugh. Have you ever watched her show The Nanny? Me neither. 30 seconds of listening to her is all it takes before you start looking for a knife to cut your ears off. But I digress.

Woman Behind The Wheel

2010-08-10T22:02:00.000-06:00

We have semi-frequent automobile "incidents" at my house.

We have a two-car garage. But with our storage boxes, kids bikes, yard tools, and other useless stuff we'll use ~~someday~~ never, our two-car garage has held two cars exactly zero times. In a show of respect for the female gender, my car has held the permanent parking spot in the garage exactly.....zero times. My sweet wife's vehicle is always there.

But, instead of parking in the street, sometimes I park in the driveway. I only park there when I expect that I will be leaving before Mel. But this decision has proven costly. Literally. You see, my sweet wife has somehow managed to back her car into my car. Not once! Not twice!

But THREE TIMES!!!!!

I ain't kidding you. My wife has backed into my car....three times. For the life of me, I still don't comprehend how she missed the fact that my car was parked right behind hers.

I know what all you females are going to say. "Well, why did you park your car there?" And my response is "Isn't that what the rear view mirror is for? It is my driveway just as much as it's hers." Really, how can you miss a half ton piece of metal on wheels? (Disclaimer: I have no idea what the actual weight of my car is.) And never once did I say "If you would just let me park in the garage, this would have never happened." Surely my compassion deserves at least one pat on the back.

The hood of my car has a peculiar little hump on it. So everytime I struggle to open or shut the hood which has been deformed due to this abuse, I smile and think of my sweet (and sometimes oblivious) wife.

The Life Of A Dad

2010-08-04T19:30:00.000-06:00

This is easily the funniest video I've seen in a while. It perfectly describes what it's like to be a dad. Trust me: this is three minutes well-spent. This. Is. My. Life.

Don't Look In The Medicine Cabinet

2010-08-02T22:00:00.002-06:00

This past weekend we went to a family reunion high in the Uinta mountains. My father-in-law has friends who owns a cabin there and they were gracious enough to let lots of people stay there for three days.

There are many things to fear being secluded in the mountains. For example:

Crazy drunkards shooting firecrackers (or pistols?) at midnight

Angry cows (click HERE to read about my frightening cow encounter)

Roasted marshmallow smothering your daughter's hair

Children so grumpy that they make bears look friendly

We encountered each of these. But none of these terrors were as frightening as what we found in the medicine cabinet of the cabin. One unsuspecting family member opened the cabinet and found THIS!

Yep. A set of pearly white dentures sitting inside a mayonnaise bottle. I have no further commentary. I will be in the bathroom trying to keep myself from throwing up.

The Ice Cream Man Incident

2010-07-27T22:04:00.002-06:00

It was HOT in Salt Lake City this past weekend. Which makes it perfectly understandable for the ice cream man to be driving around. I have thought to myself that being an ice cream man would easily be the worst job in the world. I could only take the obnoxious music for a short period of time before I would jab screwdrivers in my ears to make the sound stop.

But something peculiar happened this weekend with the ice cream man. This story is completely true. It's way to strange to make up. As the ice cream man drove by, the song playing from it's loud speaker was "Oh Come All Ye Faithful"! But it's July. Not December.

There was no mistaking it. I've heard "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" countless times around the holidays. I recorded the song on my Christmas piano CD. I paid special attention when I recognized the music. Without a doubt, the song the ice cream man was playing was "Oh Come All Ye Faithful".

Now this is disturbing that an ice cream man would be playing a Christmas carol. But I don't think it's nearly as disturbing as the realization that someone actually went to the effort of converting "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" into a wordless format that could be played by an ice cream man.

Who, in their right mind, thought to themselves one day "I have a brilliant idea! When it is steaming hot in the middle of summer, I know the perfect song that will compel kids to run out of their houses with money in hand to buy some ice cream! Oh Come All Ye Faithful!" I pity the man who came up with the idea. And also the man who listens to it blaring from a speaker for nine straight hours while he tries to sell ice cream.

The Agony Of Defeat

2010-07-23T18:10:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I did my civic duty of taking two overflowing containers of garbage to the recycling bin and recruited the kids to come along for the job.

I could see that my son Jackson was excited to be in charge of the glass jars. As any male will do, he jumped at the opportunity to break things.

Jackson didn't know I was watching as this little incident took place. He grabbed a spaghetti jar and I could just see the wheels cranking in his head. He was planning to launch the jar into the recycling bin, grateful for the opportunity to shatter something without getting in trouble.

The hole on the recycling bin is about the size of a coffee can. So Jackson pulls his arm back with jar in hand like a baseball pitcher preparing to make his throw to home plate. Suddenly.....the wind up.......and the pitch!

Unfortunately his throw wasn't a strike.

The jar banged against the side of the bin, bounced off, and hit Jackson right in the head!

I had to turn away so he wouldn't see me laughing. I wasn't sure if his tears were from the agony of defeat or from the large goose egg sprouting on his head.

Naughty Dog

2010-07-21T18:58:00.002-06:00

Our dog is ancient. If there were a Senior Citizen Center for dogs, Rupert would be there. When he is with other dogs, I'm sure he says in a crotchety-old-man-voice "You kids these days....back in my day, when we ran away, we had to come back home through the snow. Uphill. Both ways."

My wife credits his long life with the fact that our family has provided him with so much love. I credit his long life with a too-stubborn-to-die attitude. And a hefty supply of table food the kids have snuck him over the years.

Rupert really is the perfect dog. He doesn't bark. He doesn't bite. He doesn't go to the bathroom in the house. And he doesn't jump on people (likely due to his morbid obesity). He's perfect. Except for one thing: Rupert likes to rumage through garbage.

This minor character flaw drives me CRAZY. At least a time or two each day, we walk into a bathroom to be greeted by a tipped over garbage can with trash all over. This is pretty gross. We have the (dis)pleasure of cleaning up Kleenex. And floss. And kid's gum. And fuzz after I clean out my electric razor. And Q-Tips. And apple cores. And bananna peels. And any other variety of things commonly found in a bathroom garbage can.

We thought we could solve the problem by buying the fancy garbage cans where you have to step on a little pedal to open the lid. But alas, cranky old Rupert still manages to tip over the garbage cans to see what he can find.

When my wife finds a garbage mess, her usual response is to yell "Ruuuuuuuuupert!" My usual response is to groan and mutter to myself that we could cut off his feet and make them into key chains.

Bryce Canyon Half Marathon Review

2010-07-18T14:15:00.000-06:00

HALF MARATHON RECORD: 1 Hour & 51 Minutes

We drove to Bryce Canyon with our friends Darin & Shelly Thomas. I have an incredible amount of respect for Shelly who somehow manages to put up with someone as ~~obnoxious~~ colorful as Darin on a daily basis.

On Friday we drove the race course from the start at Ruby's Inn to Cannonville. The scenery along the road is amazing. With views like this, it's no wonder that the race sells out.

The night before the race we met up with the entire neighborhood who was also up at Bryce Canyon for the race. We had a big spaghetti dinner with French bread, fruit, Dutch oven potatoes, peanut butter bars, salad, and Rice Krispy treats. I ate so much that I made myself sick. This is classic Darin as we were preparing dinner:

At the Ruby's Inn campground there was a raised water drain that I jumped off a few times to get a mid-air photo. This was my favorite:

Our friend Liz came up with the idea to make a pyramid for the group shot. Fortunately no spines were snapped during the production of this photograph.

I love the whole process of racing. I have absolutely no expectation of winning anything, but I love the excitement of pinning my race number on my shirt and feeling the anxiousness of wondering what is going to happen during the race.

The ONLY thing I DON'T like about racing is the lack of sleep on the night before the race. We went to bed at 10:15pm and I woke up at 1:50am. I'm usually too excited and anxious to sleep. Racing on 3.5 hours of sleep adds to the challenge. Why does this photo at the starting line make me look like I'm half asleep? Because I am.

The Bryce Canyon Half Marathon is a runner's dream. It's fast and beautiful. I wasn't able to find a Bryce Canyon Half Marathon elevation chart before the race. So....here's my own elevation chart from the race:

The mega downhill starting at mile 2 is so fun, but also dangerous because it's easy to push hard going down the hill and then the gas tank is empty later in the race. I felt like I did a good job of pushing down the hill but not overdoing it. My times for each mile were:

Mile 1: 8:35
Mile 2: 8:30
Mile 3: 7:11 (which included a quick bathroom break)
Mile 4: 8:17
Mile 5: 8:33
Mile 6: 8:09
Mile 7: 8:18
Mile 8: 8:47
Mile 9: 8:31
Mile 10: 8:43
Mile 11: 8:57
Mile 12: 9:19
Mile 13: 9:11

Starting at mile 4 I started doing a walk break every half mile. Sometimes I walked for 30 seconds and sometimes a minute. Before the race I was really nervous about the pain I've been feeling in my foot. I usually use the male approach to medical issues: If You Ignore It, It Will Probably Go Away. I am so happy it didn't bother me too much during the race. My calves did start to cramp up in the last mile. They become really tight and get shooting pains like a German Shepherd just took a bite of flesh. Fortunately I was close to the finish line.

I was reminded about the importance of the mental aspect of racing. While I'm running, it's easy to get overwhelmed with all the physical stuff that is going on:

Sweet mother of all things holy, my knees are going to buckle.
It's so hot that my body might run out of water and start sweating blood.
Hmm, I don't remember stepping on an ice pick. Why does it feel like one went through my shoe?
This blister growing on my foot is going to be big enough to need a birth certificate.
Oh boy, it's going to be embarrassing if I throw up Gatorade all over the road.

The fascinating thing is that these thoughts and many others are constant and come all at the same time. So mentally, it is critical to learn how to tune out these thoughts and focus on something different. Sometimes I can do that well, but I still have a lot of room for improvement.

In both of the marathons I have run, I reached a low point where I realized that I wasn't going to meet my time goal. So during this race, it was such a good feeling to be at mile 8 and realize that I could run 10 minute miles for the rest of the race and still beat my record.

I was ecstatic to cross the finish line in 1 Hour & 51 Minutes to set my half marathon PR (personal record), beating my previous PR by 5 minutes:

I ended up finishing #289 out of 1141 who ran the half marathon. My crazy fast friend Tom finished 16th in the whole race, and our friend Ty finished 22nd. Incredible! This is a picture of Ty - I wondered if it was her gold shoes that made her so fast.

The best part about this race was spending time with so many good friends. Here is a picture with Liz, Renee, Mel, and Cherie.

Mel did awesome finishing in 2 hours 24 minutes - without any injuries. This was way faster than her time last year.

The Bryce Canyon Half Marathon was a great experience and I loved the feeling of accomplishment after working hard to progress toward a goal. Next on the list: Park City Marathon in about a month. Bring it!

"People can't understand why a man runs. They don't see any sport in it. Argue it lacks the sight and thrill of body contact. Yet, the conflict is there, more raw and challenging than any man versus man competition. For in running it is man against himself, the cruelest of opponents. The other runners are not the real enemies. His adversary lies within him, in his ability, with brain and heart to master himself and his emotions."
~ Glenn Cunningham, Olympic Games medalist

Face Painting Fiesta

2010-07-16T06:11:00.000-06:00

I am bad at many things (such as sleeping, controlling my sweet tooth, and avoiding the many gray hairs that are starting to pop out on my head). But arguably the thing I am worst at is drawing. Or painting. Or anything that involves sketching with a pencil or crayon or writing object. It's a fact that an aardvark with a pencil duct taped to it's paw could draw better than me.

I was ready to tackle a challenge and fight to improve my poor drawing skills. The perfect opportunity arrived a few days ago at the kid's birthday party when I volunteered to be the expert face painter.

I asked the kids what they wanted me to paint. And I made a conscious effort to not deny any request. Which led to some interesting creations. Behold......
A CAT!

A BIRD! (Which became a pink bald eagle)

A BUTTERFLY!

A TURTLE!

Picasso....I'm not. I don't plan to quit my day job anytime soon to become a famous artist. I will not be waiting by my phone for the Smithsonian Museum to request my latest art piece. But you better believe I'm going to jump at the next opportunity I have to paint a pink bald eagle.

Kids Are Good At ......

2010-07-08T21:00:00.003-06:00

Let me tell you what kids are good at:

Kids are good at: ruining plans to sleep in on Saturday morning.

Kids are good at: preventing any private time. Even when you're in the bathroom.

Kids are good at: destroying a freshly mopped floor. Clean floors seem to attract accidental spills of grape punch.

Kids are good at: teaching patience. Potty training? Are you kidding me? Potty training a child would be sufficient torture for a prisoner of war. Every day that a parent can get through without a complete psychotic breakdown is a victory.

Kids are good at: draining bank accounts. I can only imagine the fancy restaurants I could eat at if I didn't have three hungry baby birds at home to feed.

But all these minor inconveniences pale in comparison to the happiness my kids bring into my life. I love them beyond description. This is an exciting week at our house. Kylee has a birthday on July 8th, Danica has a birthday on July 10th, and Jackson has a birthday on July 12th. Three birthdays in the span of six days.

So happy birthday kids! (And I forgive you for waking me up early, spilling punch just a little too frequently, and helping me understand the phrase "Eating you out of house and home.")

Cool Video From Ironman St. George

2010-07-05T18:23:00.000-06:00

I found this video shown to the finishers of the Ironman St. George as well as the volunteers.

I am at the end of the video helping someone who just crossed the finish line.

Volunteering at the finish line was such a special experience for me. I admire the people who are able to complete an Ironman so much. This video does a good job of capturing the excitement of the day.

I Love Kenny G

2010-07-04T14:34:00.002-06:00

At my job, I spend a decent portion of time on the telephone each day, including a decent portion of time on hold. I talk with lots of prescription drug manufactures to coordinate assistance programs. With some companies, you better just pack yourself a lunch - because you are going to be on hold for a while.

There is one company that I completely DREAD calling. Partly because I know I'm going to be on hold for a while. But mostly because the music they play while on hold is simply horrific. The song is around two minutes and repeats OVER and OVER. Do you want to know what is utterly depressing? I have it memorized. I could whistle it to you.

Allow me to provide a description of this song: Imagine the cheesy 1980's keyboard sound playing a catchy jingle similar to what you would hear in an elevator. Then 30 seconds later, a strong Kenny G-ish saxophone pipes in and begins to whine. Then the Kenny G-ish sax gains momentum. It's like Mr. Saxophone is finally getting a solo opportunity at a concert, and he is going to play that sax with every ounce of energy he has. Then the song concludes with some tingling chimes. And then it starts over AGAIN. And AGAIN. And AGAIN. This song makes fingernails on a chalkboard sound like a glorious symphony.

Recently my job became worse. I'm not joking about this - another drug company just started using the SAME song for their hold music! I'm serious as a heart attack (or an ice pick to the ear). The same song. Inconceivable.

I believe the on-hold music is an intentional gauntlet. Anyone who can suffer through the torture of listening to the song for 23 minutes earns the privilege of talking to an actual human being. I would be willing to bet that few people survive the gauntlet.

My Shocking Confession

2010-06-29T21:30:00.001-06:00

I have an embarrassing confession to make. I watched golf. And I liked it.

For years, watching golf has been my Check Mate in "Would You Rather" games.

"Would you rather get a paper cut on your eyeball or watch golf?" I'll take the paper cut.

"Would you rather have a kangaroo kick you in the groin or watch golf?" Surely a kangaroo couldn't hurt THAT bad.

"Would you rather lick the floor of a gas station or watch golf?" Let's see. Where is the closest Chevron?

So I was shocked when I actually took a few minutes to see why in the world golf would be shown on a national network on a Sunday afternoon. And, as crazy as it sounds, I actually found it kind of, well, interesting.

Trust me. I know how ridiculous this sounds. I previously thought that watching ugly paint dry would be more interesting than golf. But watching golf is kind of like eating yams for the first time. As a kid, you see the dish of yams and think it resembles road kill with marshmallows on top. You want nothing to do with it. But then one day you muster the strength to give them a try. And they're actually pretty good!

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm going to record golf to make sure I don't miss one put. I'm not going to choose golf over an NBA game. I'm never going to actually play golf. But when someone asks "Would you rather listen to Michael Bolton or watch golf?", I'm not going to choose Michael Bolton anymore.

Cancer Research at Huntsman Cancer Institute

2010-06-20T20:30:00.001-06:00

A week ago I had the privilege of spending the afternoon at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah.

My brother-in-law Kelly just completed his Ph.D and has been working at Huntsman for years doing cancer research. Not only is Kelly a genius, but he is also the nicest person you could ever hope to meet. I admire him and his family so much.

I was fascinated to see his lab area and the various chemicals he works with every day.

Kelly and some of his colleagues told me about a few of the projects they were working on. I knew that they were drastically simplifying their descriptions, but even with the simple versions, I struggled to understand a fraction of what they were talking about. The complexity of their work astounded me.

Just like a scene straight out of Jurassic Park, he showed me the cryogenic freezer where they store some of the cancer cells they work with. As he opened the freezer and pulled out the canister of cells, thick fog poured out.

One of Kelly's co-workers specializes in working with lasers. He showed me some of the projects he is working on which blew my mind. He works in a dark room with lasers glowing all over his desk. He was able to put a laser on my hand and immediately identify how much Lycopene was in my system.

I was fascinated when Kelly showed me one of the protein molecules and DNA he is working on. At one point I took a picture of the computer screen showing thousands of the connections of DNA strands in the protein.

It was completely unexpected, but at that moment I felt the Spirit so strong. I was looking at one of the most complicated, intricate details of a cell. Researchers spend years trying to figure out the simplest parts of the human body, but still we know so little. Every part of the cell, every little connection of the DNA was so involved and so perfect. I had such a strong feeling that only God could have orchestrated the many systems of our bodies.

The cancer research lab is enormous. In this image, we are standing in the middle of the lab looking down one hallway of stations for researchers. Each lab filled with chemicals and beakers and vials. And if you could look behind this image, you'd see a hallway stretching the opposite direction just as long. And this was only ONE of the many floors in the building doing research.

The biggest thing I took from my visit was hope. The building was full of absolutely brilliant people doing research far beyond what most people can imagine. And this kind of research is happening in labs all over the country. It gave me comfort to know that as daunting as these afflictions can be, there are countless people working behind the scenes to keep us healthy.

Lessons On Forgiveness

2010-06-14T20:22:00.002-06:00

Something profound happened last week that exemplified what forgiveness means. And it happened, of all places, on a baseball field.

There were two outs in the ninth inning, and Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga was ONE out away from pitching a perfect game (no hits, no walks, no runs). For all you non-baseball lovers (including my wife), this is HUGE. In the history of baseball, only 21 PITCHERS have ever had a perfect game. The rarity of a perfect game makes it baseball's crowning achievement.

Galarraga makes the pitch. The ball gets hit to the infield. It gets thrown to first base. The batter was clearly out. Galarraga had pitched a perfect game!

But then everything changed. Umpire Jim Joyce raised his arms and called the batter SAFE! And the perfect game went down the drain.

This is where the story gets interesting. This is where we start to learn lessons about courage and forgiveness. Some incredible things happened:

1) Galarraga didn't lose his temper. He didn't yell at the umpire. He didn't explode (which would have been more than justified and understandable.)

2) Joyce watched the replay after the game and realized the mistake he had made. But you know what? He didn't make excuses for what had happened. He felt terrible and owned up to the fact that he blew the game. He took total accountability. He went to the Tiger's locker room and apologized to Galarraga and gave him a hug.

3) And guess what? Galarraga forgave him. He forgave him! Galarraga said "He really feels bad. He probably feels more bad than me. Nobody is perfect. I give a lot of credit to that guy. [An apology] doesn't happen. He apologized. He feels really bad. Nobody is perfect. What am I gonna do? His eyes were watering and he didn't have to say much. His body language said a lot."

The lessons here are critical for all of my relationships. All of your relationships. We need to stop focusing on always being right. We need to own up when we make a mistake. We need to be humble and willing to apologize. Because when we do, relationships stay strong. It becomes easier to overlook weaknesses and mistakes. And we need to forgive others when we have been wronged.

Imagine how differently this story would have ended if Jim Joyce had stuck to his guns, not admitting he made a mistake, and not apologizing. I believe Galarraga would have been MUCH less likely to forgive. He would have remained full of anger and vengeance.

But instead, they were able to give each other a hug. I admire Jim Joyce and Armando Galarraga. I hope I can be more like both of them.

Utah Valley Marathon Review

2010-06-13T22:56:00.001-06:00

26.2 miles. I. Ran. 26.2. Miles. It is inconceivable (I watched The Princess Bride yesterday after the race.) I truly believe this is a miracle. With my terrible, achy knees, I feel so blessed that my body was able to carry me this far.

I was looking forward to the Utah Valley Marathon as my second marathon. We had a great day before the race. We started with a carbo-loading breakfast at Einstein Bros. Bagels. Mercy. I have never eaten a better bagel.

Then we headed to Provo to drive the course of the marathon. It's helpful to know what you're getting into. I spotted a 7-11 along the route and immediately slammed on my breaks to stop and grab a Slurpee. Coming across this sweet, holy, pina colada nectar was surely a good omen.

The marathon started far up the Provo Canyon and we were able to run past the beautiful Bridal Veil Falls:

The girls loved seeing such a pretty waterfall.

There were a few parts of the course that were simply amazing. My favorite part was this bright red barn nestled against the mountains:

We finally reached the starting line of the marathon – which would be a completely different scene a few hours later:

Overall, the course seemed nearly perfect. There were a few semi-intimidating hills, but nothing I hadn’t done before so I was feeling optimistic. Then again, when you have a pina colada Slurpee in your hand, it’s impossible to feel anything except happy. I saw one more thing worth stopping for as we finished driving the course – this cool old truck:

There WAS something I was feeling nervous about: RAIN. It had been raining all day. And the forecast for race day: RAIN. The dark clouds and downpour were daunting.

The day of the race, June 12th 2010 was a special day for another reason: it was me and Mel’s 12th anniversary. I thought it might be fun to surprise her with a little sign on my shirt (which led to many spectators yelling “Go Mel!”). I could understand how having your name on your shirt could give you an emotional boost.

My alarm went off at 2:20am. Yes, 2:20am!!! (Not that it mattered, I couldn’t sleep anyway). I loaded the bus at 4:00am and somehow managed to get on the same bus with the only other person I knew doing the race: my friend Renee. She is ~~CRAZY and INSANE~~ spontaneous and signed up for the marathon the day before. I really loved having someone to talk to in the time leading up to the 5:30am start.

I brought a poncho. But before the race started, it stopped raining. It seemed like it might be clearing up. So I put the poncho in the gear collection truck. I’m not exaggerating – two minutes later it started raining again. By then my bag was buried amid hundreds of other bags in a U-Haul. Ugh.

A gun went off and the race started. My body was feeling good, except for my knees which were a little tight from the cold. Not bad though. It kept raining. And raining. It was mile 7 when the water started soaking through my shoes. I felt some hot spots on my feet but amazingly managed to finish the race without a blister or black toe nail!

Finally at mile 13 it stopped raining. I took off my long sleeved shirt which I later regretted. It was completely soaked, but at least it was protecting me from the wind. Around mile 14 we reached one of the bigger hills on the course – and my wheels fell off. I didn’t feel like I had hit a wall, it just felt like I was starting to run out of gas.

“Marathoning is like cutting yourself unexpectedly. You dip into the pain so gradually that the damage is done before you are aware of it. Unfortunately, when awareness comes, it is excruciating.” ~ John Farrington, Australian marathoner

I was really cold the last half of the race. At one aid station I grabbed half a banana. My fingers were numb so I had a hard time getting the peel off. My brain was maybe a little loopy too because I looked down and realized that I was eating part of the peel.

At some point I realized I was not going to make my goal time. That’s a weird feeling. A part of me felt a little discouraged. And a part of me didn’t care. I just wanted to get to the finish line. I thought of possible excuses (I only got an hour and a half of sleep … it was raining … they didn’t have Slurpees at any aid stations) but to be honest, none of those are valid excuses. The course and the temperature were actually perfect. I would MUCH rather be too cold than too hot. I felt like my skin was melting off during the St. George Marathon but didn’t feel like that at all during Utah Valley. I just happened to be a little slower than I'd hoped.

The last six miles were really hard. My legs were in knots and tight as violin strings and I was completely out of gas. I was in good company though. Everyone else around me was doing the marathon death shuffle too. Watching everyone trudging along made me laugh out loud (mainly to keep myself from crying).

Along those last six miles, there were two guys that I passed and was passed by at least 4,729 times. We just kept going back and forth. We were trying to push each other to the finish line. At one point, I had a heart to heart talk with one of them. We made a promise to each other that if one of us died before making it to the finish line, we would call their wife and kids to tell them that we loved them.

Seeing the mile marker for mile 26 is one of the most INCONCEIVABLE things a human can ever lay eyes on. The pride in knowing your legs have covered twenty six miles is hard to explain. (PS: I hate the British for adding that extra .2 of a mile.) Mel met me at the last half mile and I had fun talking to her as I trudged to the finish line. Having her support meant so much to me.

I crossed the line in 4 hours and 37 minutes. It felt like someone had dropped a television on my legs. But I felt so happy. All those countless hours and miles of training had paid off.

"The pride in finishing a marathon is much greater than all the pain endured during the marathon." ~ Hal Higdon

The finish line had some great food. I enjoyed a Creamie and some Pizza.

I was also happy to find Renee who did awesome at the race.

The marathon was extraordinary. I wouldn’t change one thing about it. It was an experience I will never forget.

(And to top it off, I finished the weekend with a few more Slurpees.)

I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought.
Arthur Blank, American businessman and a co-founder of Home Depot

Happy Anniversary!

2010-06-11T07:19:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is me & Mel's 12th anniversary. We started dating when we were sophomores in high school. She sat next to me in History, which could help explain why my grades weren't stellar in that class. It is CRAZY to think about how much has happened between then and now.

I think that making an excellent choice about who to marry has led to the happiness that I feel in my life right now. As I've been thinking about why our relationship works so well, I've come up with a few ideas:

There is a blurred line defining who does what in the house. Sometimes I do the dishes. Sometimes she mows the lawn. Sometimes I mop the floors. Sometimes she cleans the garage. Sometimes I clean bathrooms. Our marriage seems to work well because if something needs to be done, we do it. We help each other out and work as a team.

Related to item #1, we don't keep score of who has done what. (Most of the time. This didn't always apply when we had children who were waking up at ALL hours of the night, or during diaper stages.)

We have fun together and make each other laugh.

We know when to pick our battles. Most of the time, over petty issues, it's not worth having a battle. I think we've learned to comprimise and be willing to give a little.

We agree on money matters. We are both ~~cheap~~ frugal.

I still feel like there is not one other person who could be a better fit than Mel. Since I love her so much, it's easy to overlook ~~all the times that I'm right and she's wrong~~ disagreements. I still love her even though she won't watch an NBA basketball game with me. Everyone has a little room for improvement. Happy Anniversary Mel!

Taking Water For Granted

2010-06-08T21:43:00.000-06:00

Reading my friend Liz's blog about water reminded me of an amazing issue of National Geographic I read recently (the April 2010 issue). Please - click on the magazine cover for a link to some incredible pictures and even more incredible stories (or better yet, go to the library and read the hard copy).

I realized just how much we take water for granted in our country. There were some interesting stats:

2.5% of Earth's water is fresh. About 2/3 of that is frozen. That leaves less than 1% to grow crops and supply drinking water.
Americans use about 100 gallons of water each day. Millions of the world's poorest subsist on less than 5 gallons.
Women in developing countries walk an average of 3.7 MILES to get water.
There is a picture of women in Kenya who spend 5 HOURS each day carrying heavy jugs to get their water.
In Florida, 3,000 gallons are used to water the grass for each golf game played.

I'm being more careful about the water I use. After seeing how fortunate we are to have the luxury of clean running water, it has made me feel grateful each time I fill up a glass of water.

Hospital Heroics

2010-06-04T19:20:00.000-06:00

While in San Diego, we had some down time at the condo. It isn't unusual for down time to result in tickle wars around our house. Such a thing happened in San Diego too.

I was laying on the couch being a sleeping giant with the girls trying to tag me then run away. Our 5 year old Kylee tagged the giant but got caught. I was holding her arm preparing to tickle, when her heroic sister came to the rescue. She grabbed Kylee's other hand and tried to pull her away from the giant.

When suddenly a scream erupted.

Kylee was crying on the floor and it took about ten minutes before the crying subsided enough for her to ask what it feels like when you break your arm. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I quickly realized that our plans for the evening had been made.

She laid on the couch for a while so we could see if it would get feeling better. Any time she moved it, she would start crying. So......we looked up the address of the closest children's hospital and off we went.

We arrived to a packed emergency room. Not good. We found some comfortable chairs which was fortunate since we'd be sitting there for a few HOURS. The waiting room was really bad for two reasons:

1) The large amounts of coughing and barf. The surrounding sickness made us uncomfortable. We wanted to take a chemical bath, then put on Hazmat suits.

2) It was sad to see so many children sick or injured. Part of the reason we were there for HOURS is because many serious traumas came in requiring immediate attention. It made me feel thankful for my blessings, for our family's health, and the fact that our visit wasn't a life and death situation.

After a few hours we finally got a chance to talk to a nurse practitioner. She smiled and immediately knew what had happened. Apparently when kids are little, their elbow sockets aren't fully formed, so if you pull on the wrist, the elbow bones lengthen out and a ligament pops between the bones. Fortunately it was an easy fix, and everything was put back where it needed to be in about two seconds.

Kylee was so happy that she was able to use her arm again. But she was even more happy to get some stickers and a popsicle. The funniest part was that a McDonalds was connected to the ER. Seriously - they shared the same door. I thought it was interesting that people could clog their arteries AND be treated for clogged arteries in the same place.

Return Of The Nose Picker!!!!!

2010-06-02T21:44:00.003-06:00

I must tell you the unbelievable thing that happened to me today.

Remember how I told you last week about the guy picking his nose at Walmart?

Well....guess what? I saw him again today! I was driving past Barnes and Noble and I saw him walking out of the store.

And I swear to you, with my hand on the Bible, pinkie swear, cross my heart and hope to die......

HE WAS PICKING HIS NOSE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

My jaw dropped. I watched in stunned disbelief. It was incredible.

Work wasn't fun today. It was stressful and full of problems. I was forced to calm my nerves with a Diet Mountain Dew and a huge peanut butter cookie from Maverik. But you know what? Whenever the stress started to burden me, I thought about the phantom nose picker, and it immediately brought a smile to my face.

San Diego 2010

2010-06-02T07:01:00.000-06:00

Our family just returned from a fantastic trip to San Diego. When I use the word "fantastic", that is excluding the un-fantastic experience of driving TO San Diego and HOME from San Diego. Our three children enjoyed 8 hours in the car as much as they would having a racquetball shoved up their nose. If I had a nickle for every time we heard "He's touching me!" or "She's annoying me!", I could have hired a private jet to fly us to San Diego.

Our first stop was Sea World. A trip to San Diego wouldn't be complete without seeing an enormous black and white jumping fish:

Or an enormous tank full of eels as thick as my thigh:

During the trip I consumed ridiculous quantities of Hostess donuts. And candy. And red meat. And Diet Mountain Dew. And the highlight......7-Eleven Slurpees. I didn't pass one 7-Eleven without going inside for a Slurpee. Sometimes we went searching for a 7-Eleven. The Slurpee is a heavenly nectar which has not arrived in southern Utah yet.

The condo we stayed at had these amazing flowers that I hadn't ever seen before:

We went to the Sea Life Aquarium which was one of my favorite parts of the trip. I loved seeing all the sharks and rays and jelly fish. Here is a video of a few jelly fish we saw:

We had a blast at Lego Land. I sat next to Danica on a roller coaster. Immediately she got a look of intense panic and started yelling "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" This was the only word she could get out, but what she was trying to say was "Get me off this ride! I don't like having my stomach in my throat! I may never talk to you again! This experience will be the source of therapy sessions when I am an adult!"

We spent some time at the beach which was cold and windy. The cold didn't deter Jackson one bit, who proved, yet again, that he is a fish. I haven't seen his gills yet, but I'm sure they are there.

We were happy to have Mel's mom Marie come with us on the vacation. She was my ally in the frequent Slurpee stops. As much fun as we had, it will be a while before we go on another vacation that requires eight hours in a car.

For a few more pictures visit http://fastcory.blogspot.com AND stay tuned for our San Diego hospital experience.....

Effective Weight Loss Plan

2010-05-25T19:47:00.002-06:00

Boy, have I got a weight loss plan for you!

It's called "Seasonal Allergies".

The method is actually very simple. All you have to do is breathe between the months of March and October. Just breathe! All that pollen, cotton, and ragweed infest your helpless body. Then your eyes start to water as if you just poured battery acid on them. And your nose starts to run like a fire hose. Between the constant nose-blowing and eye-watering, massive amounts of water will leave your body and the pounds will melt away.

Unfortunately I have become a professional in the art of allergy suffering. A large portion of our monthly net income goes toward Kleenex. The area under my nose is raw from its frequent encounters with tissue. When I talk, it sounds like I have Silly Putty packed up my nose.

A few days ago my son confided in Mel that he thought she should make my favorite dessert for me because I was looking sad - because I was crying. I told him later that the tears were from my eyes watering. But......I thought it was still a good idea for Mel to make my favorite dessert. That seems like a good strategy for combating the allergy-induced weight loss.

Don't Pick Your Nose At Walmart

2010-05-23T15:10:00.002-06:00

I visited the Walmart Vision Center yesterday to select among the finest eyeware my special pair of $30 glasses. I've always enjoyed shopping as much as a pencil jabbed into the ear canal, so I spent a few minutes to choose some frames that looked okay, and then I was ready to go.

If I had only known what my eyes were about to behold.

I sat at the desk across from the optician while she typed in my order. Then a guy walked up to the cash register to pay for some contacts. This man wasn't exactly what you'd call a "Babe Magnet", (trust me, it takes one to know one. Babe magnet...I'm not.)

Then in plain view, before God and lots of other Walmart shoppers, he inserted his pinky finger into his nose. And then began digging around like he was searching for lost treasure. His finger was inside his nose for an obscenely long time.

Then....he pulled his finger out. Looked at it. And apparently didn't see what he was hoping to find. So back again went the pinky finger! I ain't kidding you.

This time it plunged deeper. I was waiting for his nuckle to disappear inside his nostril. I wondered if he was trying to scratch his brain stem.

But what made me nearly toss my lunch was realizing that those are the kind of fingers that touch the buttons on the credit card machine right before I do.

One more brain scratching and they would have needed to call over the intercom "Can we get a clean-up in the Vision Center? Cory Reese barfed all over the floor. Bring a mop for this one."

Ogden Marathon Review

2010-05-17T10:46:00.003-06:00

CLICK HERE to read the full Ogden Marathon Review.

Life Is A Verb

2010-05-11T21:45:00.000-06:00

I must tell you about a fantastic book I just finished reading: Life Is A Verb by Patti Digh.

Click on the cover for a link to Amazon. The subtitle of the book is: 37 Days To Wake Up, Be Mindful, And Life Intentionally. I loved the daily suggestions, actions, and things to be more aware of. So many of them applied to me. Digh's stories are entertaining and just plain funny. Just a few tidbits I liked:

Use the fancy china. Being alive is the special occasion.
Everyday at lunch ask yourself "Am I becoming someone I respect?" If the answer is no, you still have the rest of the day to change it to yes by the actions you take or don't take.
Pick someone you see during the day and be an angel to them in some way. (Give a complement, feed a parking meter, go the extra mile.)

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” William James

Don't Kiss Me

2010-05-08T21:35:00.000-06:00

In one week from today I will be running the Ogden Marathon. I'm really excited. But also a little nervous and apprehensive.

You see, marathon training is involved. It's time-consuming. Over the last seven months of training, my chicken legs have carried me hundreds of miles. To prove just how dedicated I've been to training for my second marathon, I've often given up one of the most important things to me: sleep.

No matter how much training I do, the fact is that running 26.2 miles is going to be hard. It just is. And I need every little advantage I can get in my quest for the finish line. One of the advantages I need is to be healthy.

Which is why, for the next week, I've adopted a No-Kissing Policy. I ain't gonna swap germs with nobody. No wife. No kids. No senior citizen who may try to sneak up on me for a smooch at work.

Let's face it: Any time you kiss a child who is in elementary school, you put yourself at risk for contracting swine flu, sore throat, malaria, or sudden temper tantrums for absolutely no reason.

After I cross that finish line, I'll be more than happy to pucker up for the family. But until then, you keep your germs and I'll keep mine.

When Ostriches Attack

2010-04-27T21:34:00.000-06:00

Ostriches like to eat fingers. Seriously! Just ask my six year old.

On Saturday the family headed to Zion National Park. Our kids begged to stop and look at an ostrich farm along the way. We agreed, though we regretted that decision after the trauma that ensued.

We bought a little bag of food that spectators can throw through the fence for the ostriches to eat. The kids were ecstatic to have this opportunity. We quickly realized the folly of our purchase.

The children were as happy as could be, ostrich food was flying everywhere, smiles were pasted on everyone's faces, and life was magical. But then......

A loud shriek shattered the moment. Danica wailed in pain. She ran toward the car. Tears were streaming. The screaming continued. And continued. And.....continued.

Apparently, when little children nonchalantly grab the fence, their fingers look like delicious little Vienna Sausages. Suddenly ostriches aren't so interested in ostrich food. Human flesh seems much more appetizing.

Fortunately, no blood was spilled. No fingernails were lost. And we realized that it is incredibly difficult to appear sympathetic when you are laughing. The ostrich owner witnessed the brutality and brought Danica an ostrich feather. Miraculously this healed all pain she had been feeling prior.

For all of you who are brave enough to see how much ostriches love to eat humans, check out this highly funny video:

Hurricane Half Marathon 2010

2010-04-24T22:01:00.001-06:00

Hurricane Half Marathon - 2 Hours & 8 Minutes!!

Our alarm went off at 4:45am (ouch!). After getting to bed late (thanks to NBA Playoffs) and getting 5 hours of sleep, I'd imagine this is what a serious hangover feels like. We were on the bus for the starting line at 5:40am.

The new course for the Hurricane Half started near Sand Hollow Reservoir. It was chilly as we waited for the race to start, but lots of friends were there which helped to distract from the shivering.

The race started at 6:30am. You could not have asked for a better day to run a race. The sky was clear and the temperature was perfect. I ran the first four miles with Mel. We had an incredible view of the sun rising over Sand Hollow. I was happy I brought my camera with me.

At mile 4, Mel and I paused for a quick self-portrait, gave each other a fist bump, then I headed out on my own.

Soon I arrived at the hardest hill I've ever run up. This beast has been nicknamed "Nemesis".

I slowed my pace and took a few short walk breaks but finally managed to get to the top. The hill is brutal and should be reserved as a punishment for convicts and creators of bad music from the 80's (Yes, Michael Bolton, I'm talking to you.)

This hill is insane. It's a mile long and feels like a vertical climb. Here's the elevation map from my watch. Even looking at this picture is painful:

But in mile 7 I got into a groove. I just put my head down and ran. I knew I was going faster than my normal race pace, but I felt so good that I didn't want to hold back. It was freakish. I was going fast but didn't feel exhausted or worn out like past races.

My last mile was the fastest and I ended feeling strong. My time for each mile was:
Mile 1: 9:47
Mile 2: 10:34
Mile 3: 10:07
Mile 4: 9:35
Mile 5: 9:50
Mile 6: 12:29 (My amigo Nemesis)
Mile 7: 10:09
Mile 8: 9:13
Mile 9: 9:12
Mile 10: 9:33
Mile 11: 8:35
Mile 12: 9:11
Mile 13: 8:25

I averaged 9:43 minutes per mile. This race was a whopping 12 minutes slower than my fastest Half, but I felt better after this race than any other. Being able to pick up the pace at the end gave me some much-needed confidence for the Ogden Marathon in 3 weeks. I could not have asked for a better outcome from the race.

Jackson did the 5k race, so now we all have another running shirt to add to our closets. It was a great week for running!

"Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it's all about."
~ PattiSue Plumer, U.S. Olympian

Things That Make Me Happy

2010-04-22T21:20:00.002-06:00

Watching NBA playoffs late into the night and falling asleep with the TV on.

Hearing my kids laugh when I tickle their arm pits.

Breakfast (4 pieces of toast and hot chocolate. Everyday.)

Playing catch, bikes, and basketball with the kids outside until it gets dark.

When they turn the air conditioner on at church.

Power naps. Give me 15 minutes when I get home from work and I’m good to go.

Peanut butter cookies from Maverik.

Rain.

Hearing my kids play the piano.

Fat veins in my feet which prove to me that I’m working hard with marathon training.

When my wife whistles.

Sleeping with the window opened and listening to the crickets.

The familiarity of knowing that tomorrow will likely be remarkably similar to today which is remarkably similar to yesterday. Consistency is good.

I can’t overemphasize how important it is to have peanut butter cookies on this list.

Words Of Advice From Maslow

2010-04-20T22:33:00.002-06:00

A few years ago I got an email from Derek Sivers about Abraham Maslow's 8 Ways To Self-Actualize. I loved it. It has been hanging on the wall in my office ever since. I thought I'd share it with you.

1. Experience things fully, vividly, selflessly. Throw yourself into the experiencing of something: concentrate on it fully, let it totally absorb you.

2. Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth): Make the growth choice a dozen times a day.

3. Let the self emerge. Try to shut out the external clues as to what you should think, feel, say, and so on, and let your experience enable you to say what you truly feel.

4. When in doubt, be honest. If you look into yourself and are honest, you will also take responsibility. Taking responsibility is self-actualizing.

5. Listen to your own tastes. Be prepared to be unpopular.

6. Use your intelligence, work to do well the things you want to do, no matter how insignificant they seem to be.

7. Make peak experiencing more likely: get rid of illusions and false notions. Learn what you are good at and what your potentialities are not.

8. Find out who you are, what you are, what you like and don’t like, what is good and what is bad for you, where you are going, what your mission is. Opening yourself up to yourself in this way means identifying defenses – and then finding the courage to give them up.

This Is Disturbing

2010-04-14T19:04:00.000-06:00

This is disturbing in so, so many ways. It's like when you pass a car wreck and you WANT to look away. You WANT to. But you just CAN'T.

Obviously, with more than 5 million views, others are equally intrigued (and likely disturbed) by this nice Asian boy singing "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston.

Enjoy. And I'm sorry.

Rules For Airplanes

2010-04-09T19:43:00.000-06:00

Recently I've had the opportunity to spend some time on airplanes. This activity, in and of itself, is not an enjoyable experience. The idea of spending many hours breathing musty recycled air, cramped in a little seat, sitting next to people who are trespassing into my personal bubble, while speeding through the clouds miles above the earth - it's just not my idea of a good time.

But you know what makes flying worse? People. Every single little idiosyncracy of a person drives me CRAZY when I'm sitting on an airplane. So I have a few requests for fellow passengers next time I fly:

1) Please, please keep your yapper shut. There is nothing worse than a loud talker on an airplane. I DON'T want to hear about your Aunt Hazel. I DON'T want to hear about your dinner group last night. I DON'T want to hear about getting your carpet cleaned. And neither does anybody else sitting nine rows ahead or behind you who is hearing your conversation also. So zip it.

2) Is a little pre-flight deodorant too much to ask?

3) You know the arm rest? Well - don't cross it. Or you might pull back a bloody stump. Alright, maybe that's a bit too harsh. I just don't want to feel your arm hair rubbing against my arm hair. Okay?

4) No loud snoring. Or I'll swat your Adam's Apple with a spoon.

Kangaroos Are Funny (And Mean)

2010-04-07T20:18:00.001-06:00

I came across the funniest story on Runners World Daily. Apparently a runner in Australia was knocked unconscious by a grumpy Kangaroo. It is a sobering mental image. The following video must be a taste of what the ~~runner~~ former runner likely experienced.

This short clip made me bawl. I was sobbing with laughter. Mel actually got out of bed to come and see why I was laughing hysterically. I haven't laughed this hard, to the point of hyperventilating, since I watched The Money Pit for the first time when the bathtub crashed through the floor.

Note to self: Avoid kangaroos while running.

No Cat Policy

2010-04-05T19:19:00.001-06:00

Mel and I have been very clear with the children: NO CATS. Never. Ever. Ever. I have no apologies about my disdain of cats.

Unfortunately over the last few weeks we have been put into a position of enforcing the strict No-Cat-Policy.

Over the last month, a mystery cat has been hanging out in our yard WAY too often. The cat's name is Kiwi. You can ask every single kid in the neighborhood. They don't know how the cat got it's name. But there is absolutely no doubt: they all know his (or her?) name is Kiwi.

One day I caught Kylee trying to lure Kiwi into our house by sprinkling grass from the porch through our front door. "Sorry honey, we have a No-Cat-Policy at our house."

Another day I caught Danica feeding Kiwi some bread. With a panicked tone in my voice I said "No - don't feed the cat! It will never leave! And we have a No-Cat-Policy at our house."

That night it was starting to get dark and we told the kids to come inside and get ready for bed. Danica had a complete and utter melt down. She started sobbing uncontrollably. We asked what was wrong. After a minute she was able to say through her wimpering that she was sad because Kiwi didn't have a place to stay and it was cold and dark outside.

This was the ultimate gauntlet - the true and supreme test. Putting aside the possibility that Danica would consider her parents grumpy ogres for the rest of her life, we stood strong on the No-Cat-Policy.

Kiwi is still in our yard WAY too often begging to be adopted. Sadly, Kiwi has not received the memo about our No-Cat-Policy.

Why I Hate Airplanes

2010-03-28T22:29:00.000-06:00

On our recent trip to Hawaii, we had the opportunity to spend one day in Portland, Oregon, courtesy of Delta Airlines.

Normally, Portland would be great. It's a beautiful city! But when you are supposed to be in Hawaii, Portland isn't so cool.

I HATE airplanes. I hate them. They scare me. So as we were flying from Portland to Honolulu, I was already jittery and anxious. But then after a half hour in the air it felt like the plane was spinning around. I saw the sunset out our window, but minutes before I could see it out the window of the other side of the plane.

I got even more jittery. In a panicked voice I said to Mel "We are turning around. We are turning around!" She tried to calm my fears and basically said to chill out.

Five minutes later the pilot came over the intercom and said that one of the two hydraulic engines went out so we were returning to Portland. I became a nervous, quivering ball of panic. My heart felt like it was going to pump out of my ribcage.

But what REALLY freaked me out is what we saw as we approached the airport. I saw a line of firetrucks speeding down the road. As we finally reached the runway we saw that it was lined with firetrucks and ambulances. Ugh.

After waiting for a while in the terminal, they said they didn't have the part they needed. So they were going to fly it in from Minneapolis, Minnesota!!! That would take a few hours, then the repair would take a few hours, so they thought we'd be departing by 1:00 am (6 hours later). But Delta was compassionate enough to give everyone a $7 meal voucher.

FYI: $7 in an airport will buy a bottle of Coke.

But wait....it gets better!!! We were exhausted and tried to get a little sleep on an airport bench as all the other happy passengers walked by.

4 (FOUR!!!!) hours later they cancelled the flight and told us they would try to reschedule for the next day. We waited in another ridiculously long line to get a hotel voucher. Mel could hardly contain her excitement.

So this is how our 7-day vacation in Hawaii turned into a 1-day in Portland / 6-day Hawaii vacation. It will be a long time before I get on another airplane. Or go to Portland.

Our Trip To Hawaii

2010-03-18T21:02:00.001-06:00

Almost two years ago our friends Darin and Shelly asked if we wanted to go to Oahu and stay in their time share with them. We were also joined by friends Josh and Jess and we had a blast. So here are a few of the highlights from our trip to......

The trip started a bit rough. We had a layover in Portland before heading to Hawaii. This is the view from inside our plane. The problem is that we weren't supposed to be seeing the sunset from our side of the plane. The sunset was on the other side of the plane.

So why exactly do we have a picture of the sunset? Well, because we got this view as we were flying BACK to Portland after the plane started having technical difficulties. I'll tell you the whole story in a few days, but the short version: instead of spending seven days in Hawaii, we spent one day in Portland and six days in Hawaii.

Here is the gaggle of Utahns who eventually found our way to Hawaii (Josh, Jess, Darin, Shelly, Mel, and me). I made a concerted effort to make a cheesy "hang loose" sign whenever a camera was around. This picture was before ~~we played in the ocean~~ I got lots of sand in my swimsuit and drank at least two gallons of the ocean.

One of my favorite activities was hiking to the top of Diamond Head, an extinct volcano. We had an amazing view of Honolulu. But it was very, very windy at the top. It's a good thing I don't wear a toupee - it would have been long gone.

This is the same face I make when I ask Mel if I have a piece of broccoli caught in my teeth:

We took a catamaran boat ride around Honolulu. There were a bunch of spinner dolphins that would leap into the sky and do their thing. I am certain they would not have had this much energy if they had taken Dramamine like we did before the boat trip. Just thinking about Dramamine makes me start snoring.

Here's our view from the boat. I ate some absolutely delicious pulled pork for lunch right before our boat ride. We figured that we would probably get sea sick and upchuck, so we wanted to make sure we ate something that would taste as good coming up as it did going down. Miraculously nobody tossed their cookies. Too bad for me. I was looking forward to tasting that pulled pork again.

Toward the end of the trip, us boys had obviously spent too much time together. We jumped at the opportunity to re-enact this memorable scene from Titanic:

A trip to Oahu wouldn't be complete without a visit to Pearl Harbor. It was quite an experience to see oil still bubbling to the top of the water from the sunk USS Arizona. I was mesmerized by the flag flying above the memorial. I wanted to get a hard-hitting black & white shot of the sun shining through the flag. It took a few tries but I finally got what I was looking for:

The other requirement to go to Hawaii is that you need to go to a luau. Mission accomplished. These guys who spin flaming sticks made me nervous. I was worried that at any moment they would make a false move and their hair would become an instant bonfire.

Since returning from Hawaii, I've tried to be a better person. I've tried to keep the commandments. I've tried to do better at following God. Because I am positive that there will be a Matsumoto's on every corner in heaven.

Matsumoto's has the best shaved ice ever bestowed to man. It was worth waiting in the long line to get my hands on this divine goodness.

We only saw one major rain storm during our trip. It just happened to begin in the middle of our hike to Wiamea Falls. We tried staying dry under some trees, to no avail. It was the kind of downpour where you think "Are you KIDDING me?!?" But the view at the end was worth the drenching.

A side feature of Wiamea Falls was an abundance of peacocks. Darin started taunting one of them, and I prayed with every fiber of my being that the peacock would reach down and snap his fingernail off. Now THAT would have been funny (aside from the blood, gore, and crying like a schoolgirl.)

The sunsets each night were almost beyond description. It was such an awesome experience to see a postcard happening right before our eyes.

We made the customary stop at the Dole pineapple plantation. If you ever questioned how much I love pineapple, behold this picture. I look like a proud father with his newborn child (who happens to be acidic with a sharp green stem).

On our way to the Polynesian Cultural Center, we stopped at the LDS temple. I love this picture of Mel. She looks so happy. (Or is that jet lag?)

On our final night in Hawaii we headed to the beach to see one last sunset. I fell in love with this little pond of water next to the ocean where you could see a reflection of the sky. This was one of those rare moments as a photographer when you know you are seeing something special and I wanted it to never end.

Our trip to Hawaii was an experience I will never forget. Mel and I had so much fun spending time with friends and with each other. I'm thankful that our travels were safe and that nobody lost any fingernails to angry peacocks. (To see a few more of our pictures click HERE.)

And The Winner Is.....

2010-03-17T21:55:00.003-06:00

Life has been NUTZ since returning from Hawaii (sweet pictures coming soon), hence the late announcement on the contest winner. I'd like to blame my fatigue on jet lag. But in actuality, the likely cause is staying up too late to watch Jazz games.

But I digress.

And the winner (verified by my six year old who drew the name) of the three autographed CDs and a scrumptious box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts is.....

TONYA! Congrats! If I ever had a cat (which will be, um, never), I would certainly teach him to give you a high five.

Free Giveaway!!!

2010-03-06T07:33:00.005-07:00

Tomorrow we are heading to Hawaii for a week. I will raise my right arm to the square and vow to eat a ridiculous amount of macadamia nuts and pineapple. I have done something wrong if I don't go to bed sick every night.

So while I'm gone, I'd like to offer a free music giveaway. Up for grabs: An autographed copy of the piano CDs "Believe", "You Will Soar", and "Witness". AND....I'll throw in a box of authentic Hawaii macadamia nuts!!!

So how do you win? Post a comment saying what was your favorite vacation. Every comment gives you an entry into the drawing which will be held on March 15th. I hope you like macadamia nuts as much as I do!

101 Things

2010-02-28T09:35:00.002-07:00

1. I desperately want to go to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.
2. I have a rock collection.
3. I hate airplanes.
4. My kids have complained that I take too many pictures of them.
5. My library card is used often. I’m usually reading 3-4 books at any given time.
6. My heart is broken every year by the Utah Jazz.
7. I’ve met George Bush (the old one) and Gordon B. Hinckley.
8. Our shih tzu is morbidly obese.
9. Almost all politicians make my blood boil.
10. Church makes me sleepy.
11. I enjoy Letterman, Survivor, and The Office.
12. I am proud of being frugal and thrifty.
13. I’ve never met a kind of candy I didn’t like.
14. Except for the color, my hair resembles a Chia Pet.
15. My car traps odors. You can smell a Big Mac for a week.
16. I have a sweet tooth that would put Willy Wonka to shame.
17. I have never seen any Star Wars, Rocky, or Harry Potter movies.
18. I think the name “Herb” is funny. I wouldn’t mind having that as my nickname.
19. The scent of seafood makes me want to upchuck.
20. While I respect their abilities, I don’t enjoy music by Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Pat Benetar, Gloria Estefan, or Santana.
21. Dentists were created by the devil.
22. I have no doubt that I could eat my weight in pumpkin pie.
23. We bought three planter boxes and planted basil and cilantro.
24. I would love to be the director of a Gospel choir in the Deep South. Not that I can sing. Nor have I ever directed a choir.
25. Once I sprained my ankle and instinctively said words I shouldn’t have said in front of people I shouldn’t have said them.
26. Is it a requirement for figure skaters to wear sequins? How depressing. If I’m ever having a bad day at work, I will remind myself “At least you don’t have to wear sequins.”
27. Sometimes life seems like a quest to feel needed and appreciated.
28. I wish my car had sirens I could turn on when someone is driving really slow in the fast lane.
29. My children can recite lines from Napoleon Dynamite.
30. I can recite lines from Napoleon Dynamite.
31. One of my biggest fears is getting old.
32. I married a patient, forgiving, selfless, compassionate person.
33. I have a firm belief that Cream of Mushroom Soup is over-used in the culinary world which is a shame because it’s pretty yucky.
34. I haven’t ever tried alcohol, cigarettes, or heroin.
35. I am very picky when it comes to buying shoes.
36. I have never, and will never own a cat.
37. I like to listen to ESPN Radio on my way to work.
38. I can be bribed to do anything with cupcakes.
39. My wife often forgets to change the lint trap on the clothes dryer. So when I change it, it looks like a kitchen rug.
40. OneRepublic makes some incredible music.
41. I take a daily multi-vitamin, Glucosamine, a baby Aspirin, and fish oil capsules.
42. I’m trying to be like Jesus. Sometimes the closest I get is owning a pair of sandles.
43. Now that I have run a marathon, I believe I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
44. I am stubborn.
45. When I was younger, my brother and I would sneak out of the house at night, ride our bikes to the grocery store, and buy ice cream.
46. I get predictably grumpy when I am tired.
47. The temperature in my office varies between Sauna and Meat Locker. I prefer Meat Locker.
48. When I die, I don’t want to have a funeral. I want everyone to have a party and have fun and laugh and eat lots of junk food. And possibly hire a stand-up comedian for one of the speakers.
49. I learned from experience that my car isn’t built to drive up snow-covered hills.
50. I kind of like the Buttered Popcorn flavored Jelly Belly Beans.
51. I think my wife Melanie is a babe.
52. With my life, I am much more interested in quality than quantity.
53. A mouse lost it’s life in my desk drawer at work. It was grrrrrrross.
54. I like to surround myself with people who have a good sense of humor and don’t take things too seriously.
55. I feel guilty when I drink regular soda instead of diet.
56. I have never broken a bone.
57. My brother and sister are ambitious.
58. I wish I could play the cello. I’d listen to myself all day and never leave the house.
59. I wish I could make rolls as good as elementary school cafeterias.
60. I have LOTS of female in-laws that live close by. There is nothing worse than hearing about certain times of the month.
61. I am an eternal optimist.
62. I once got my mouth washed out with soap for calling my brother stupid.
63. I’m sorry I called you stupid. You are much, much smarter than me.
64. Note to self: Ivory Soap doesn’t taste nearly as good as it smells.
65. I am a photography nerd.
66. Among the phone numbers I have saved in my phone: Domino’s Pizza, Café Rio, and the Piano Gallery.
67. My chemistry teacher in high school drank more Mountain Dew than should be legal for a human being to consume.
68. The people I work with are very, very smart.
69. Kids + pouring a gallon of milk on cereal = recipe for disaster.
70. Mel wishes I didn’t buy some of my clothes at the DI.
71. A rain storm is the best smell in the whole world.
72. I admire people who are humble, thankful, giving, and appreciative.
73. Banana bread, pumpkin pie shakes, and toffee are scrumptious.
74. I am positive that I was a first grade teacher in my past life. I LOVE going to help at the elementary school.
75. Our dog likes to tip over garbage cans and make a big mess of the garbage. He is lucky to be alive.
76. Sleep apnea makes me stop breathing a couple hundred times a night so I’ve slept with a CPAP for seven years. I loathe my CPAP.
77. Anyone with sleep apnea needs their spouse to make baked goods including cake and pie at least once per week.
78. As a kid, I liked Alf, Silver Spoons, The Wonder Years, Mr. Belvedere, Small Wonder, and Charles In Charge.
79. I survived two winters in Wyoming. (I’ll pause a moment and let you finish your applause.)
80. In my high school anatomy class we dissected a cat. A cat!
81. Running is contagious.
82. I nearly needed a clean pair of britches a few years ago during a particularly bumpy flight into St. George. If friends weren’t with me, I would have kissed the ground when we finally landed.
83. Without my contacts in, I am as blind as an NBA referee.
84. It bothers me when my girls listen to music from Mama Mia. This is the reason ear plugs were invented.
85. I have an in-law who likes to use the phrase “Quite frankly…” to begin many sentences. Quite frankly, it always brings a smile to my face.
86. My sassy and funny sister-in-law Rachel uses the phrase “Y’ain’t” which is always very funny. I’m going to try to use that in my vocabulary more often. “Kids – y’ain’t gonna get none of my Mike & Ike’s so stop asking!”
87. Why don’t children understand the concept of sleeping in?
88. My wife thrives on telling me gross things that she does while working as a nurse at the hospital.
89. I wouldn’t mind being Nacho Libre.
90. I eat four pieces of toast for breakfast on my way to work.
91. My knees often don’t cooperate.
92. Maybe it’s because I eat four pieces of toast everyday for breakfast.
93. I don’t understand the appeal of CSI, vampire movies, or Red Lobster.
94. Beagles have a loud, and very funny bark.
95. My memory leaves a lot to be desired.
96. Sometimes I have a problem with laughing during the prayer.
97. Getting a root canal is the next closest thing to being struck by lightning.
98. Mel’s family is so tight-knit that they sometimes discuss their bowel movements with each other.
99. I firmly believe that figure skating would be so much more enjoyable to watch if everyone wasn’t wearing sequins.
100. Honestly, what is the budget for sequins for the Winter Olympics? Every business has slow times and busy times. This is a busy time for sequin-makers.
101. I think if I let my hair grow out, it would look like I French-kissed a light socket.

I'm A Fan Of Pickles

2010-02-26T22:32:00.003-07:00

Special thanks to Rachel to alerted me to This Story . Apparently there is a Facebook fan page that set out to see if a pickle could get more fans than the band Nickelback. Yep. Just an average household pickle. I'm happy to report that the goal has been accomplished. And I am now one member of the 1,517,008 (!!!) people who like pickles more than Nickelback.

Apparently the idea stemmed from a Facebook page which was successful in getting more fans of onion rings than singer Justin Bieber.

Now. That. Is. Funny.

Incidentally, I'd probably rather have ringworm than listen to Nickelback.

Living Without Hands

2010-02-25T18:55:00.003-07:00

I came across a few pictures from a trip we made to Hawaii a few years ago. One of the most amazing things I saw in Hawaii was at the airport as we were preparing to fly home.

I stopped in one of the airport stores to buy some candy to get me through the long flight. When I got to the checkout counter, I noticed that the cashier was shorter than my child. And then I handed her my candy bars. Immediately I saw that she had no hands. And yet it wasn’t a setback for her at all!

She scanned the candy, took my credit card, swiped it, punched in a few numbers, then handed me my card and the candy. I was mesmerized. She was able to do her job just as quickly and efficiently as someone with two hands could do.

But the thing that stood out to me most was her smile. She was so happy! What seemed to me like a limitation was no limitation for her. She wasn't whining about her challenges or her hard lot in life. She was beaming with joy.

I left the store and walked ten minutes to our terminal. But I couldn’t get this person out of my mind. Our flight was leaving soon, but I didn’t want to forget this amazing lady. I decided to run back to the store. I told her that I was inspired by what she was doing and asked if I could take her picture. Without hesitation she said yes. It’s easy to see the happiness pouring out of her.

I hope I can be more like this lady. I want to turn my weaknesses into strengths. I want to work hard for the things I believe in. I don’t want ANYTHING to hold me back. I want to complain less and smile more. I want to BE happiness.

What Does Love Look Like?

2010-02-23T21:39:00.003-07:00

I have something to show you. Grab the box of Kleenex. Seriously.

This video is of Team Hoyt - a father and son team who have completed 67 (67!!) marathons and 6 (6!!) Ironman Triathlons.

The amazing part is that the son has cerebral palsy and has been pushed/pulled by his dad (who is almost 70 years old!) for every single race.

This gave me a greater respect for the ideas of love, parenthood, dedication, and triumph. I hope it will do the same for you. Enjoy!

I Love My Bed

2010-02-12T21:58:00.002-07:00

I am in love with my bed. I am thankful for it. I appreciate it so much. Because I vividly remember the days when I didn’t have one.

Many moons ago I got accepted into graduate school at the University of Wyoming. Mel and I packed our meager belongings and U-Hauled ourselves up to the land of snow and wind. One item that was noticibly absent in the U-Haul was a bed.

We lived on the top floor of a run-down apartment building that looked like it was built during the Civil War. We developed some serious calf muscles by walking up or down three flights of stairs whenever we went anywhere. The place was so run-down that even rats considered it inhospitable.

But it was cheap. And graduate school was expensive. We tried to save a penny however we could. Buying a bed certainly wasn’t in our poor-college-student budget.

But an air mattress was.

So we slept on this air mattress for half a year. Nothing says comfort like coming home from a long day of work and school to lay down on a puffy air mattress (or sit in the disgusting chair we bought at the Salvation Army).

We had this pump that we (I) would use to inflate the mattress every night before bed. Then, after a few hours, the mattress would start to deflate. And we would slowly be rolled to the middle of the "bed". Over the course of the night, air magically escaped the mattress so that we were barely off the ground by morning (if we were lucky).

And the back aches? Holy Sweet Mother. The back aches! By the time we woke up, our backs felt like they had been pounced on by Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

Despite the sleeping challenges, our time in Wyoming was amazing. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. And it will come as no surprise that the first thing we bought when we moved back to Utah was…..a bed.

Dumb Decision Of The Day

2010-02-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

I believe I made a mistake yesterday. Generally I try to be rational. If at all possible, I prefer to involve my brain in decision-making. But for some reason my brain didn't kick in during the moment when I decided what to eat for lunch. The mistake:

Pork Chile Verde. From. The. Hospital. Cafeteria.

All together now....join your collective voices....."No Duh!! Did you honestly think that would be a good idea?!?" In retrospect, this decision seems absolutely absurd. You just shouldn't get pork chile verde. From the hospital cafeteria.

In my defense, my co-workers and I often get lunch from the hospital cafeteria. We get a discount so it's cheap. And the food is usually okay. And it's cheap.

But pork chile verde over rice? That's crossing the line. I felt queezy for the rest of the day. And for the life of me - I could not get that taste out of my mouth. It took up residence on my taste buds for hours. I was popping sticks of gum like a fiend. But it was useless.

You know those decisions which you end up regretting for a long time? Yea. This was one of those decisions.

Crayola Song

2010-02-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

I came across this video on another blog and thought I'd share. It's kind of a catchy little ditty. But I think the main reason I like it is because I'm just a sucker when it comes to kids. And there are some cute kids here. See what you think.