Sunday, February 28, 2010

101 Things

1. I desperately want to go to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.
2. I have a rock collection.
3. I hate airplanes.
4. My kids have complained that I take too many pictures of them.
5. My library card is used often. I’m usually reading 3-4 books at any given time.
6. My heart is broken every year by the Utah Jazz.
7. I’ve met George Bush (the old one) and Gordon B. Hinckley.
8. Our shih tzu is morbidly obese.
9. Almost all politicians make my blood boil.
10. Church makes me sleepy.
11. I enjoy Letterman, Survivor, and The Office.
12. I am proud of being frugal and thrifty.
13. I’ve never met a kind of candy I didn’t like.
14. Except for the color, my hair resembles a Chia Pet.
15. My car traps odors. You can smell a Big Mac for a week.
16. I have a sweet tooth that would put Willy Wonka to shame.
17. I have never seen any Star Wars, Rocky, or Harry Potter movies.
18. I think the name “Herb” is funny. I wouldn’t mind having that as my nickname.
19. The scent of seafood makes me want to upchuck.
20. While I respect their abilities, I don’t enjoy music by Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Pat Benetar, Gloria Estefan, or Santana.
21. Dentists were created by the devil.
22. I have no doubt that I could eat my weight in pumpkin pie.
23. We bought three planter boxes and planted basil and cilantro.
24. I would love to be the director of a Gospel choir in the Deep South. Not that I can sing. Nor have I ever directed a choir.
25. Once I sprained my ankle and instinctively said words I shouldn’t have said in front of people I shouldn’t have said them.
26. Is it a requirement for figure skaters to wear sequins? How depressing. If I’m ever having a bad day at work, I will remind myself “At least you don’t have to wear sequins.”
27. Sometimes life seems like a quest to feel needed and appreciated.
28. I wish my car had sirens I could turn on when someone is driving really slow in the fast lane.
29. My children can recite lines from Napoleon Dynamite.
30. I can recite lines from Napoleon Dynamite.
31. One of my biggest fears is getting old.
32. I married a patient, forgiving, selfless, compassionate person.
33. I have a firm belief that Cream of Mushroom Soup is over-used in the culinary world which is a shame because it’s pretty yucky.
34. I haven’t ever tried alcohol, cigarettes, or heroin.
35. I am very picky when it comes to buying shoes.
36. I have never, and will never own a cat.
37. I like to listen to ESPN Radio on my way to work.
38. I can be bribed to do anything with cupcakes.
39. My wife often forgets to change the lint trap on the clothes dryer. So when I change it, it looks like a kitchen rug.
40. OneRepublic makes some incredible music.
41. I take a daily multi-vitamin, Glucosamine, a baby Aspirin, and fish oil capsules.
42. I’m trying to be like Jesus. Sometimes the closest I get is owning a pair of sandles.
43. Now that I have run a marathon, I believe I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
44. I am stubborn.
45. When I was younger, my brother and I would sneak out of the house at night, ride our bikes to the grocery store, and buy ice cream.
46. I get predictably grumpy when I am tired.
47. The temperature in my office varies between Sauna and Meat Locker. I prefer Meat Locker.
48. When I die, I don’t want to have a funeral. I want everyone to have a party and have fun and laugh and eat lots of junk food. And possibly hire a stand-up comedian for one of the speakers.
49. I learned from experience that my car isn’t built to drive up snow-covered hills.
50. I kind of like the Buttered Popcorn flavored Jelly Belly Beans.
51. I think my wife Melanie is a babe.
52. With my life, I am much more interested in quality than quantity.
53. A mouse lost it’s life in my desk drawer at work. It was grrrrrrross.
54. I like to surround myself with people who have a good sense of humor and don’t take things too seriously.
55. I feel guilty when I drink regular soda instead of diet.
56. I have never broken a bone.
57. My brother and sister are ambitious.
58. I wish I could play the cello. I’d listen to myself all day and never leave the house.
59. I wish I could make rolls as good as elementary school cafeterias.
60. I have LOTS of female in-laws that live close by. There is nothing worse than hearing about certain times of the month.
61. I am an eternal optimist.
62. I once got my mouth washed out with soap for calling my brother stupid.
63. I’m sorry I called you stupid. You are much, much smarter than me.
64. Note to self: Ivory Soap doesn’t taste nearly as good as it smells.
65. I am a photography nerd.
66. Among the phone numbers I have saved in my phone: Domino’s Pizza, CafĂ© Rio, and the Piano Gallery.
67. My chemistry teacher in high school drank more Mountain Dew than should be legal for a human being to consume.
68. The people I work with are very, very smart.
69. Kids + pouring a gallon of milk on cereal = recipe for disaster.
70. Mel wishes I didn’t buy some of my clothes at the DI.
71. A rain storm is the best smell in the whole world.
72. I admire people who are humble, thankful, giving, and appreciative.
73. Banana bread, pumpkin pie shakes, and toffee are scrumptious.
74. I am positive that I was a first grade teacher in my past life. I LOVE going to help at the elementary school.
75. Our dog likes to tip over garbage cans and make a big mess of the garbage. He is lucky to be alive.
76. Sleep apnea makes me stop breathing a couple hundred times a night so I’ve slept with a CPAP for seven years. I loathe my CPAP.
77. Anyone with sleep apnea needs their spouse to make baked goods including cake and pie at least once per week.
78. As a kid, I liked Alf, Silver Spoons, The Wonder Years, Mr. Belvedere, Small Wonder, and Charles In Charge.
79. I survived two winters in Wyoming. (I’ll pause a moment and let you finish your applause.)
80. In my high school anatomy class we dissected a cat. A cat!
81. Running is contagious.
82. I nearly needed a clean pair of britches a few years ago during a particularly bumpy flight into St. George. If friends weren’t with me, I would have kissed the ground when we finally landed.
83. Without my contacts in, I am as blind as an NBA referee.
84. It bothers me when my girls listen to music from Mama Mia. This is the reason ear plugs were invented.
85. I have an in-law who likes to use the phrase “Quite frankly…” to begin many sentences. Quite frankly, it always brings a smile to my face.
86. My sassy and funny sister-in-law Rachel uses the phrase “Y’ain’t” which is always very funny. I’m going to try to use that in my vocabulary more often. “Kids – y’ain’t gonna get none of my Mike & Ike’s so stop asking!”
87. Why don’t children understand the concept of sleeping in?
88. My wife thrives on telling me gross things that she does while working as a nurse at the hospital.
89. I wouldn’t mind being Nacho Libre.
90. I eat four pieces of toast for breakfast on my way to work.
91. My knees often don’t cooperate.
92. Maybe it’s because I eat four pieces of toast everyday for breakfast.
93. I don’t understand the appeal of CSI, vampire movies, or Red Lobster.
94. Beagles have a loud, and very funny bark.
95. My memory leaves a lot to be desired.
96. Sometimes I have a problem with laughing during the prayer.
97. Getting a root canal is the next closest thing to being struck by lightning.
98. Mel’s family is so tight-knit that they sometimes discuss their bowel movements with each other.
99. I firmly believe that figure skating would be so much more enjoyable to watch if everyone wasn’t wearing sequins.
100. Honestly, what is the budget for sequins for the Winter Olympics? Every business has slow times and busy times. This is a busy time for sequin-makers.
101. I think if I let my hair grow out, it would look like I French-kissed a light socket.

Friday, February 26, 2010

I'm A Fan Of Pickles

Special thanks to Rachel to alerted me to This Story. Apparently there is a Facebook fan page that set out to see if a pickle could get more fans than the band Nickelback. Yep. Just an average household pickle. I'm happy to report that the goal has been accomplished. And I am now one member of the 1,517,008 (!!!) people who like pickles more than Nickelback.

Apparently the idea stemmed from a Facebook page which was successful in getting more fans of onion rings than singer Justin Bieber.

Now. That. Is. Funny.

Incidentally, I'd probably rather have ringworm than listen to Nickelback.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Living Without Hands

I came across a few pictures from a trip we made to Hawaii a few years ago. One of the most amazing things I saw in Hawaii was at the airport as we were preparing to fly home.

I stopped in one of the airport stores to buy some candy to get me through the long flight. When I got to the checkout counter, I noticed that the cashier was shorter than my child. And then I handed her my candy bars. Immediately I saw that she had no hands. And yet it wasn’t a setback for her at all!

She scanned the candy, took my credit card, swiped it, punched in a few numbers, then handed me my card and the candy. I was mesmerized. She was able to do her job just as quickly and efficiently as someone with two hands could do.

But the thing that stood out to me most was her smile. She was so happy! What seemed to me like a limitation was no limitation for her. She wasn't whining about her challenges or her hard lot in life. She was beaming with joy.

I left the store and walked ten minutes to our terminal. But I couldn’t get this person out of my mind. Our flight was leaving soon, but I didn’t want to forget this amazing lady. I decided to run back to the store. I told her that I was inspired by what she was doing and asked if I could take her picture. Without hesitation she said yes. It’s easy to see the happiness pouring out of her.

I hope I can be more like this lady. I want to turn my weaknesses into strengths. I want to work hard for the things I believe in. I don’t want ANYTHING to hold me back. I want to complain less and smile more. I want to BE happiness.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What Does Love Look Like?

I have something to show you. Grab the box of Kleenex. Seriously.

This video is of Team Hoyt - a father and son team who have completed 67 (67!!) marathons and 6 (6!!) Ironman Triathlons.

The amazing part is that the son has cerebral palsy and has been pushed/pulled by his dad (who is almost 70 years old!) for every single race.

This gave me a greater respect for the ideas of love, parenthood, dedication, and triumph. I hope it will do the same for you. Enjoy!

Friday, February 12, 2010

I Love My Bed

I am in love with my bed. I am thankful for it. I appreciate it so much. Because I vividly remember the days when I didn’t have one.

Many moons ago I got accepted into graduate school at the University of Wyoming. Mel and I packed our meager belongings and U-Hauled ourselves up to the land of snow and wind. One item that was noticibly absent in the U-Haul was a bed.

We lived on the top floor of a run-down apartment building that looked like it was built during the Civil War. We developed some serious calf muscles by walking up or down three flights of stairs whenever we went anywhere. The place was so run-down that even rats considered it inhospitable.

But it was cheap. And graduate school was expensive. We tried to save a penny however we could. Buying a bed certainly wasn’t in our poor-college-student budget.

But an air mattress was.

So we slept on this air mattress for half a year. Nothing says comfort like coming home from a long day of work and school to lay down on a puffy air mattress (or sit in the disgusting chair we bought at the Salvation Army).

We had this pump that we (I) would use to inflate the mattress every night before bed. Then, after a few hours, the mattress would start to deflate. And we would slowly be rolled to the middle of the "bed". Over the course of the night, air magically escaped the mattress so that we were barely off the ground by morning (if we were lucky).

And the back aches? Holy Sweet Mother. The back aches! By the time we woke up, our backs felt like they had been pounced on by Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

Despite the sleeping challenges, our time in Wyoming was amazing. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. And it will come as no surprise that the first thing we bought when we moved back to Utah was…..a bed.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Dumb Decision Of The Day

I believe I made a mistake yesterday. Generally I try to be rational. If at all possible, I prefer to involve my brain in decision-making. But for some reason my brain didn't kick in during the moment when I decided what to eat for lunch. The mistake:

Pork Chile Verde. From. The. Hospital. Cafeteria.

All together now....join your collective voices....."No Duh!! Did you honestly think that would be a good idea?!?" In retrospect, this decision seems absolutely absurd. You just shouldn't get pork chile verde. From the hospital cafeteria.

In my defense, my co-workers and I often get lunch from the hospital cafeteria. We get a discount so it's cheap. And the food is usually okay. And it's cheap.

But pork chile verde over rice? That's crossing the line. I felt queezy for the rest of the day. And for the life of me - I could not get that taste out of my mouth. It took up residence on my taste buds for hours. I was popping sticks of gum like a fiend. But it was useless.

You know those decisions which you end up regretting for a long time? Yea. This was one of those decisions.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Crayola Song

I came across this video on another blog and thought I'd share. It's kind of a catchy little ditty. But I think the main reason I like it is because I'm just a sucker when it comes to kids. And there are some cute kids here. See what you think.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Red Cliffs Reflection Pictures

My brother-in-law Matt, Jackson, and I went on a little hike in the Red Cliffs Desert Reserve a few days ago. We came upon these pools of water showing AMAZING reflections of the red rock behind them.

It was potentially one of the best photo opportunities I've stumbled upon. And I cursed my existance. Because my good camera is currently in the shop getting a $220 repair!!! Aaarrrgghhhhhhh! I wanted to sob. Fortunately I at least had my little camera.

I like this picture with Jackson's reflection in the water. I will definitely visit here again after a rain storm. And after my camera is done getting a make-over.