Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Look Like A Cheerleader

Allow me to share with you a post from my marathon training website www.fastcory.com . I invite you to stop by for a visit sometime. I attempt to make the stories and pictures readable for runners and non-runners alike. (PS: The words "Fast" and "Cory" are an oxymoron.) (PSS: After reading this entry you will think the word "Cory" is simply a moron.)

One of the athletes I admire most is runner and World Record holder Usain Bolt who absolutely embarrassed his competition at the Olympics. He is CRAZY fast and confident.

I made an enormous mistake at the recent Top Of Utah Marathon. I always try to ham it up for the race photographers, and this race was no exception. Then I remembered a cool action that Usain Bolt made when he set the world record at the Olympics. Well, I kind of remembered what he did. I thought I would try to mimic his Superman move, which was highly ironic since he’s so fast, and I’m so, well, not fast.

My fatal flaw was the complete lack of preparation and research about exactly WHAT Bolt did. I THOUGHT I remembered. But obviously there was a blemish in my memory. This resulted in a blatant injustice to Bolt. Just look at this comparison in our posture:

Here are the major problems:
1) Usain Bolt looks incredibly awesome.
2) I, on the other hand, look like an incredibly nerdy cheerleader.

Honestly, this is just ridiculous. I ought to be am ashamed of myself. Here are the main differences between me and Bolt.

1) Bolt has his fingers pointed up. I have my fists clenched.
2) Bolt is strong and muscular. I am skinny and gangly.
3) Bolt is wearing his country’s flag. I am wearing a fanny pack.

I’d like to assure you that I’ve learned my lesson. I will never again try to feebly attempt to imitate someone cool without first researching exactly WHAT they do. With luck I hope to avoid any future impressions of looking like a cheerleader going to cheer at a chess tournament.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Very Funny Graphs

Some of the pictures on www.graphjam.com made my eyes water because I was laughing so hard. Here are a few good ones:

funny graphs - Also: The only non sodium or polystyrene based ingredient
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see more Funny Graphs

funny graphs - Universal Experience
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see more Funny Graphs

funny graphs - Smile! You're on Candid Camera!
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funny graphs - She hid it behind the toilet seat?
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Funny Graphs - Blinded by Darkness
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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Top Of Utah Marathon Review

Why hello! Yesterday I ran the Top Of Utah Marathon in a hair over 4 hours (38 hairs over 4 hours to be exact).

To read the highly exciting story and see all the highly picturesque pictures CLICK HERE to visit the running website.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Sunflower Pictures

On Sunday my brother-in-law Matt and I drove up toward Kolob (by Zion National Park) to take some pictures. There were fields blooming with the most sunflowers I had ever seen. Here are a few pictures I snapped:

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

An Interview With Myself

Cory: I’d like to thank you for allowing me to interview you today.

Cory: No problem. I can be bribed to do anything with sugary junk food.

Cory: Speaking of junk food, it seems like you mention Hostess Donuts a lot on your website.

Cory: Weird, I’ve noticed that too. Here’s the deal: I like candy and junk food just as much as the next guy. But Hostess Donuts are in a completely different ball park. They are incredible. On the seventh day...God created Hostess Donuts. Plus, since I’m running, I can make a legitimate argument that Hostess Donuts count as carbo-loading.

Cory: What is your most embarrassing moment?

Cory: Boy, that's hard to narrow down. One that comes to mind is when I was a youngster passing the sacrament at church. I accidentally bumped the tray of water on a bench and spilled the whole tray of water into some lady's lap. What do you say after that? "Sorry. Here, let me wipe that off for you." Uh, don't think so. So you just stand there looking dumb.

Cory: Understood. Thanks for the clarification. And your thoughts on Taylor Swift?

Cory: Hmmm, I’m a little uncomfortable answering this question. At the risk of surrendering my Man Card, I’ll admit that I don’t mind her music. I don’t actively seek it out, but I’m okay being a casual listener. I think she’s a good singer and song-writer.

Cory: So if that puts your Man Card in jeopardy, here’s your chance for redemption. What is the most manly thing you do?

Cory: Feed the kids cereal for dinner when mom’s not home.

Cory: The kids must love you!

Cory: They don’t call me Cap'n Crunch for nothing.

Cory: Alright, lets stop dancing around the elephant in the room. Don’t you find it a bit peculiar that you are interviewing yourself?

Cory: Good point. But it’s not nearly as peculiar as other things I do. Such as watching baseball on television. And enjoying it.

Cory: You’ve got to be kidding! I thought they were using baseball on television as a way to torture prisoners of war.

Cory: Gosh, you don’t need to be rude about it.

Cory: Sorry, my bad. I’d like to thank you for this fascinating interview.

Cory: My pleasure. It’s my night for dinner. Pass the Frosted Flakes.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Super Sidewalk Chalk

I thought I had reached the maximum limit of my artistic ability earlier in the year while face painting at the kid's birthday party.

But I think my abilities reached a new level (not necessarily an improvement) on Saturday when the kids and I decorated the driveway with sidewalk chalk. So lets play a game: Was This Picture Drawn by Child Or Adult?

Question #1: Was this ladybug drawn by child or adult?

Answer: Child (Danica)

Question #2: Was this boy drawn by child or adult?

Answer: Child (Jackson)

Question #3: Was this alligator drawn by child or adult?

Answer: Child (Kylee)

Question #4: Was this giraffe drawn by child or adult?

Answer: (While hiding my head in shame) - It was drawn my me.

Question #5: Was this alligator drawn by child or adult?

Answer: I drew it. And it is an alligator. Really! I promise. If nothing else, at least the teeth moderately resemble an alligator. My alligator was asked by a child to wear a bow in it's hair on it's scalp. And the alligator does have a tail, it just got cut off by the camera. Unfortunately seeing the tail doesn't help convince anyone that this is an alligator.

I will leave now so the mockery can begin.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Thursday Thoughts

On a friend's blog I saw a good idea for some random tidbits, so here is my version:

1. Has become obsessive/compulsive about getting a bike. “Since you got one, I want to get one too!”
2. Is running the Red Rock Relay this weekend where 12-person teams take turns running a total of 180 miles.
3. Has a secret stash of Hershey candy bars for when times get desperate.

1. Proudly doing my part to assure that the recession does not impact the manufacturer of Hostess crumb donuts
2. Just started reading the book Twinkie Deconstructed (see review HERE)
3. I have no interest in going to bed before 11:00pm.

1. Told me he is nervous to own another bouncy ball. Last time he had one, he threw it against the wall really hard and it bounced back and hit him in the eye. I had to bite my lip when he told me the story.
2. Is absolutely incredible at playing the piano.
3. Likes to sleep on the tile floor because it is cold.

1. Has some mad jump roping skillz.
2. Working on losing her front tooth – which is so loose it would probably flap in the wind.
3. Could live on banana bread and Macaroni & Cheese.

1. Is petrified of bugs.
2. Insists on dressing herself and often looks like Punky Brewster – very cute.
3. Got hit in the head with a water bottle someone threw from a float during the parade this weekend.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Beware Of Flying Poop

Remember the saying "You learn something new everyday?"

Here's the new thing I learned today: You must be very careful when you are spraying the dog poop off your shoes after you finish mowing the lawn. If the hose water hits the shoes at the wrong angle - your face will be sprayed with poopy water.

And there is your lesson for the day. You are welcome.