Yesterday I got an email from my old friend Steve who I haven’t seen for around twelve years. Hearing from him reminded me of one of the funniest events I have ever been part of.
I met Steve when I worked at Dillard’s for a few months before college. We sold overpriced shirts and watches together. I loved hanging out with Steve because he was a trouble maker at the store and was always pushing the limits.
One day we were wandering around Dillard’s and came across a hidden door on the second floor. Being the curious boys we were, we went inside. We obviously weren’t supposed to be there.
Before us was a cluttered room of mannequins, hangers, and other random things that managers didn’t know what to do with. This was the junk drawer of Dillard’s. But we saw behind the clutter, an object which seemed to glow with wonder and heavenly delight:
THE CD PLAYER CONNECTED TO THE INTERCOM WHICH PROVIDED MUSIC FOR THE STORE!!!!!
It was December amid the Christmas rush of the mall. Soft, festive Christmas music was on constant repeat.
Steve was quitting after Christmas to go to college, and wanted to go out with a bang. The store intercom system immediately came to mind. Remember how I said he was always pushing the limits? A plan was devised and launched on his last day at Dillard’s.
At a predetermined time I distracted the manager to free up Steve who headed for the secret room……WITH A METALLICA CD IN HAND!!!!
Suddenly the cheery “Have A Holly, Jolly Christmas” switched to loud heavy metal playing over the store intercom. Talk about trying to ruin Christmas.
One of the miracles that has accomanied my running has been the decrease in my desire to eat junk food. It hasn't gone away completely, but I definitely eat less than I used to. Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that me not craving sweets truly is a miracle. I used to eat candy bars like I'd just been sent home from Survivor after 40 days.
That being said, I fell off the healthy wagon Tuesday night. On the way to a baseball game, I stopped and bought a box of Hostess Crumb Donuts. And this is what happened........
I’m not a fan of swimming. Call me crazy. Trust me, the rest of the family does. Saying you don’t like swimming is akin to insulting their intelligence or telling them they look like Rosie O’Donnell.
Despite my dislike of swimming, I joined the family for an outing to the pool last night. It got me thinking about why I have such an aversion to swimming. The only explanation I could come up with was Camp Steiner.
When I was an eager young lad, I attended a Boy Scout camp named Camp Steiner. My friends and I wanted to be part of the elite group of boys who were able to take the sail boats out in the lake.
We had no idea of the stringent exam our bodies would be put through to receive this qualification.
Turns out we had to jump off the dock, swim to the shore, then swim back to the dock. The distance didn’t seem insurmountable. And besides, we were young. And eager.
But then I jumped in the water.
The temperature of this lake put Antarctica to shame. Instantly my lungs contracted and my chest refused to breathe. My joints were frozen stiff and simply would not move. I envisioned the headline in the newspaper – “Young, Eager Boy Scout Drowns At Camp Steiner”.
Through the grace of God, my body somehow swam to the shore. Then back to the dock. And I became a sail boat captain. And I reached the conclusion that I hate swimming.
Something unfortunate happened on Saturday.
I verbally abused myself. It's true.
The abuse transpired over the course of running 17 miles. You see, I have this little problem where I sometimes kick my ankles while I'm running. This happens when I start to get careless or sloppy and don't pay attention to what my bird legs are doing. FYI, this hurts!
Around the sixth time, I gave myself a good kick and my ankle started bleeding. I let out a loud "AARRRGGHH!" and the berating began. I chastised myself for being clumsy and for forgetting to put preemptive Band-Aids on my ankles before I started the run (I had this brilliant idea the day before, and meant to set out some Band-Aids so I wouldn't forget).
I chewed out my ankles for being so bony and obtrusive. I belittled myself for choosing socks that didn't cover my ankles. Are some longer socks too much to ask for!?! ?
"Get down and give me 20! Your mama dresses you funny.! You buy your clothes at a skirt shop! Your breath smells like tuna fish! I've seen a pine tree with more personality than you have! You're as pleasant as a swift kick to the groin!"
The abuse was hurtful, derogatory, and demeaning. I'm now giving myself therapy to begin healing from the abuse.
We've been driving a lot lately and Mel decided she wasn't up for another trip to Salt Lake so she nominated our 5 year old, Danica to go to the Marc Cohn concert with me. The weather during the whole drive was horrendous. It was so rainy and blowing so hard that I considered it a real possibility that the car would be carried away and dropped in Munchkin land.
We were watching television last night and saw this commercial from Stanley Steamer. I'm not sure if they meant it to be funny or to cross the line of what you'd like to see a dog doing on prime time television. Be careful that you don't accidentally puke on your carpet. Then you'll have to call Stanly Steamer!
Either way, this is one of the most disturbingly funny commercials I've seen in a long time.
TOBY!!!!!
For those of you who like good music, check out this little gem that showed up in my email today. Marc Cohn - Sandy Utah - Saturday Night - 2 for 1 tickets on the lawn. $6 per ticket! Holy Moses.
I've had the pleasure of seeing Marc in concert and it was amazing. One of the best shows I've seen. I feel guilty paying so little for one of his concerts. If you're in the area and plan to go to the concert let me know (cory@coryreese.com) and we'll sit some lawn together.
If you're among the praying folk, keep my friend Paul Cardall and his family in your prayers. Paul is struggling with his health and is in desperate need of a heart transplant.
As if that wasn't enough to have on his plate, his brother was killed in a taser incident with the Hurricane Police Department. The whole situation is simply heartbreaking.
Paul's attitude and outlook are the model for how to handle trials and adversity. For a reminder of how precious life is check out his blog HERE.
The wife and I spent our 11 YEAR ANNIVERSARY (wow-we're old) at Moab and took Jackson along for the ride. The weekend was perfect (except for the extensive number of mosquito bites I brought home with me). Some highlights of the trip were:
Mesa Arch in Canyonlands National Park: Mesa Arch at sunrise is a photographer's paradise. I had people near me from Britain who came for this shot. I had been to Mesa Arch previously for two sunrises but rain spoiled the picture both times. Fortunately, third time's the charm. The price for this picture....an alarm clock at 4:30am.
Delicate Arch in Arches National Park: Mel had never been to Arches, and you can't go without seeing this icon. It was very, very windy. Especially near the arch. If I wore a toupee that sucker would have been long gone.
Turret Arch through the North Window in Arches: This is also a highly coveted shot for photographers. In order to get Turret Arch through the North Window you have to climb up a ledge that is a little scary for a sissy like me who is afraid of heights. The price for this picture was also a 4:30am alarm clock.
Sand Dune: We found a huge sand dune that Jackson was determined to reach the top of. (That is a semi and some cars at the bottom of the hill.) I was surprised and impressed that he made it. Understandably, this is how he felt when he reached the top:
I’d like to bear my testimony about Kenalog shots. Three weeks ago I reached the peak of my misery due to allergies. My throat felt like I swallowed automotive parts, my eyes felt like someone removed them from my head and rubbed them on a chalk board, and I was going through Kleenex like nobody’s business. I was beyond miserable.
Then I visited Dr. Worwood, my angel of mercy. He said that doctors don’t really like to use Kenalog anymore because there are so many other allergy medications with less potential side effects. But….since I tried everything in the book, he said he thought it would probably be a good idea.
There are a bunch of possible side effects, but at that point, I was willing to let him cut off my thumbs if he thought it would help.
Since then, my eyes don’t itch and water! We don’t have to allocate money from the family budget for tissues! Life is glorious and beautiful. We have unicorns in the back yard and leprechauns frolic with my children. Thank you, Kenalog, for returning my life back to me.
Here are a few new albums you definitely want to check out at iTunes (or click on the picture for a link to Amazon):
"City of Black & White" by Mat Kearney. Each of the 12 songs on here are really good. On his first CD "Nothing Left To Lose", half the songs are brilliant and half are complete garbage. There is much more consistency on this CD. Favorites are "Closer To Love" and "Lifeline". There is no "spoken word" stuff on this one like the first album. I've had the songs stuck in my head since I bought the CD a few weeks ago for $7.99.
"The Fray" by....The Fray. I didn't give this CD a fair shake at first. I dismissed it because I knew there was no way it could possibly be even close to as good as their first CD "How To Save A Life". A few weeks later I heard the song "Happiness" from this CD (not as cheery as you'd think) and realized I may have missed something.
Since then I've listened to it lots. And I think the impossible happened - they made this CD better than their first. If I hired a band to make a CD of exactly the kind of music I like, it would have turned out like this CD.
I'm a man. I can prepare exactly 5 meals:
I arrived at the holy grail of Utah Jazz fans on Memorial Day. I stumbled upon this chance meeting at the most unlikely of places…….Wal-Mart.
I walked in the store and happened to glance over at the deli section to see my NBA hero – Deron Williams!!! Seriously. In the Hurricane Wal-Mart!
I resisted my urge to be giddy as a school girl and tell him that I’m his biggest fan, and that I only missed two Jazz games last season, and that I LOVE when he schools people on the basketball court, and that he’s an excellent dribbler, and I assume he’s a noble member of the community, and I’m sure he has a witty sense of humor, and then ask him if he could autograph my chest.
Instead I pulled out my cell phone and asked if I could get a picture with him. It appeared that I was the only person who realized that DERON WILLIAMS WAS AT WAL-MART. Either 1) they didn’t realize that they were in the midst of basketball greatness, or 2) they weren’t as brave (aka nerdy) as me to go up and say hello.
Here is the prized photograph from our meeting.
I decided to have my Mini-Me's draw the names so as to eliminate any possibility of preference.
A few days ago Tom invited me over to his house because Patrice St. Germain, a reporter for The Spectrum, was coming over to do interviews for a story she was writing about the running group.
Patrice wrote a great article which is as follows:
Group finds fun, support in club
HURRICANE - When Cory Reese set a goal to run in the St. George Marathon, one of the things he decided to do was join a runner's group.
Reese, Hurricane, said he may have been able to train on his own, but it would have been a lot more difficult.
Since December, he has been training with the Hurricane Runners' Club and said the people behind the formation of the group, Tom and Elizabeth Dansie, are excellent coaches and motivators.
"They (the Dansies) have been running for so long, and they have helped me out and provided support," Reese said.
Elizabeth Dansie said the group started last winter with an affiliation with Classic Sports and Over the Edge for runners and triathletes, but the group is a little less formal than originally planned.
"Anybody is welcome," Tom Dansie said. "We have workouts two to four times a week."
Reese is right about the experience that the young couple with three children have. Tom has been running since he was young and more formally since high school. He has run the St. George Marathon a few times and, most recently, the Boston Marathon.
Elizabeth has also been running since high school and ran in the Boston Marathon, coming in with a time 10 minutes over her St. George Marathon run.
She's also a triathlete and hopes to compete in an Ironman competition once her children, Porter, 6, Eliza, 5 and James 18 months, are all in school.
Knowing that workouts are important and having support is helpful. Elizabeth keeps up with the group's blog and posts workouts weekly.
Even though he's been working out since December, Reese said he has to work to make his body get up early or go out late at night to run. Tom and Elizabeth also said it's still a struggle to get out for workouts but both admit that if they miss a workout, they know it.
"It's a stress reliever," Tom said.
Tom said he knows when he has missed a workout and, laughing, Elizabeth said she knows when her husband has missed one as well.
Elizabeth said she is obsessed with working out, and Reese said likes the challenge and feeling of accomplishment.
While Elizabeth said she dreads the long runs up to two weeks before the event, she loves the track workouts; Reese said he likes the longer runs.
"My moment of glory was keeping up with Liz for one lap," Reese said. "She (Liz) makes it look easy, but I saw my life flash before my eyes."
Tom and Elizabeth said the group isn't just for experienced runners, and the key is working together and gaining experience from others in the group.
In the couple's neighborhood, where Reese also lives, quite a few people run.
"It's like this neighborhood HOA rules says you have to run," Reese said with a laugh. "But it's great to have so many."
The Dansies' love of running has already rubbed off on their son Porter, who plans on running in the kid run at the Washington County Fair and wants to beat his time from last year.
The group also will have a 5K run on July 24 in Hurricane, which is how many people get interested in running - by participating in fun runs. "Once you do the first race, you're hooked," Tom Dansie said.
I really appreciate all the support you've given as my music career has grown over the years. Seriously. Thanks! In return I'd like to offer you a gift.
What you get if you win: SIGNED COPIES of my complete CD collection! ($93.94 value!)
*Moment of Peace
*Heart to Heart
*Silent Night
*Witness
*The KEYS To Billy Joel
*You Will Soar
*Believe
TWO WINNERS will be drawn at midnight (I'll be up watching basketball) one week from today - May 30th. I'll keep this at the top until then.
So how do you enter???
1) Make a comment on this here blog. Each comment will receive an entry. (1 comment = 1 entry, 2 comments = 2 enteries, etc. Go nuts.)
2) Forward on the contest to your friends. (Just make a comment telling me how many people you forwarded it to and I'll put your name in that many times.)
3) Become a coryreese.blogspot.com follower = 3 entries! Or...
4) Post this button on your blog = 5 entries! What!?!
(Simply copy the HTML code below, go to your blogspot layout page, then click on "add a gadget". Then select the "HTML/java script" link and paste the code below in the content box. Frighteningly easy.
Have Fun & Good Luck!
What do you get when you mix:
A) Three little girls less than 6 years old
B) A lapse in adult supervision
C) A bottle of baby powder
THIS!
I recorded The View and watched it last night. Yes, I watched The View.
Before you chastise me and try to take away my Man Card, let me explain. I only watched because Glenn Beck was on.
Watching this little gem of daytime television was simply excruciating. The show consists of: a cute girl named Elizabeth who used to be on Survivor, Whoopi Goldberg, Barbara Walters, and two other women who never get a word in edge-wise because Whoopi and Barbara are enormous blabber mouths.
I felt truly sorry for Glenn. He was caught in the middle of five estrogen-pumping, grumpy, agenda-pushing, opinionated women who interrupted him during the rare opportunities when he got a chance to say something.
Gosh. If I wanted to watch a big ol’ cat fight I would have rather gone to the animal shelter.
I've done my share of completely idiotic things in my life, but this one is very high on the list.
Years ago a guy came to our door asking if we wanted our yard aerated for $40. I then thought to myself that this could be a quick way to make a few bucks on a Saturday.
So a few weekends later I rented an aerator planning to go door to door and do lawns. Never mind the fact that I had aerated exactly zero yards in my life. I rapidly learned that an aerator weighs about as much as a rhinoceros, and is a slight challenge for one scrawny guy to get in and out of a truck. Aerators also have a mind of their own, and the experience is similar to holding on to a bucking bronco while mowing the lawn.
After my day's labor, I had aerated:
* Our yard
* A friend's yard that I did for free
* Some guy who I only charged $30 for because I was desperate
* A senior citizen in the neighborhood that I felt bad for and charged $20
After wasting my entire Saturday, loading and unloading an aerator many times, and being unbelievably sore in muscles I didn't even know I had......I hadn't even earned enough money to pay for the rental of that cursed machine.
So for all you ambitious guys looking to make a few bucks, you'll pass up this brilliant idea if you know what's good for you.
