Friday, April 9, 2010

Rules For Airplanes

Recently I've had the opportunity to spend some time on airplanes. This activity, in and of itself, is not an enjoyable experience. The idea of spending many hours breathing musty recycled air, cramped in a little seat, sitting next to people who are trespassing into my personal bubble, while speeding through the clouds miles above the earth - it's just not my idea of a good time.

But you know what makes flying worse? People. Every single little idiosyncracy of a person drives me CRAZY when I'm sitting on an airplane. So I have a few requests for fellow passengers next time I fly:

1) Please, please keep your yapper shut. There is nothing worse than a loud talker on an airplane. I DON'T want to hear about your Aunt Hazel. I DON'T want to hear about your dinner group last night. I DON'T want to hear about getting your carpet cleaned. And neither does anybody else sitting nine rows ahead or behind you who is hearing your conversation also. So zip it.

2) Is a little pre-flight deodorant too much to ask?

3) You know the arm rest? Well - don't cross it. Or you might pull back a bloody stump. Alright, maybe that's a bit too harsh. I just don't want to feel your arm hair rubbing against my arm hair. Okay?

4) No loud snoring. Or I'll swat your Adam's Apple with a spoon.


Tonya Mae said...

Oh, my heck, Herb (Cory), you are purely DELIGHTFUL. I absolutely LOVE reading your blog. It's like a refreshing ice cream cone on a warm evening whilst watching the sunset. -Therapeutic, enjoyable, something to just revel in. You should write a quote a day and then make them into those daily calendars. What a treat. :) Only, with this particular post I did not find tranquility, but I DID find to be absolutely HYSTERICAL. I laughed my keester off. And I have had those SELF SAME feelings and frustrations regarding flying. MAN! Especially the recycled air and deodorant request. I've been tempted to hand out little mini travel ones as passengers are boarding so they could roll some on before the flight. And for the LOVE, would it also be too much to ask them to either chew some gum or suck on a mint for heaven sakes?!

Tonya Mae said...

P.S. You sure seem to be having some trouble getting beyond this airplane debacle. Which is fine. I have had a great deal of pleasure at your expense. And for that I thank you. However, I am feeling that therapy might be a necessity on the runway for you. Pardon the pun. ;) And... aren't you yourself a therapist? -Note the irony. :)

Cory Reese said...

Tonya - how could I have forgotten....breath mints?!? Thank you for that valuable and completely necessary addition.

And I completely agree - therapy may be in order. The therapy I considered on the plane involved a strong beverage.

Tonya Mae said...

Yah, there's nothing like a bottle of Benadryl mixed with a cocktail that ought to see you through any flight. ;)