A week ago with Halloween approaching, Mel's sister brought over a clogging uniform that she had worn when she was 12 years old and dared me to squeeze myself into it. I'm always up for a challenge so I took a deep breath in and pulled the shirt over me. And I thought to myself "Hmmm, I guess this would be an okay costume for Halloween."
And then I looked at myself in the mirror.
I looked so completely ridiculous that I laughed until I cried. It was the kind of laugh that makes your stomach hurt. I looked like a mix of:
1) A frizzy poodle.
2) Neil Diamond's sequins.
3) A younger Richard Simmons.
4) A cheerleader who fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Our family did a 5k fundraiser race on Saturday where costumes were encouraged. I abandoned every ounce of self-dignity and wore the costume for the race. I fully admit that it should be illegal to look like this in public.
I ran the race in 25 minutes, then participated in the Men's Sprint race afterward. And then my friend Tom had a genius idea: I competed in the Women's Sprint race right afterward.
So to all you innocent community members who happened to be driving down the road on Saturday and witnessed an ugly man/woman in red sequins running down the street, I am deeply sorry that this horrific image was burned into your mind. I pray that you will one day forgive me for the mental anguish I have caused.