Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Man's Guide: How To Bottle Peaches

Mel and I love peaches. So yesterday we bought a box full and added them to a bucket of peaches from her mom's tree. Then we went on a bottling frenzy. We ended up bottling around 22 quarts of fruit.

I ain't never bottled nuthin' in my whole life. For you fellow newbies who've never bottled peaches, let me explain the process to you:

1) Get yourself lots of peaches. Of course you need to keep them inside so they don't liquefy in the southern Utah heat. And of course the fruit flies will then take up residence in your kitchen. You will be drastically outnumbered.

2) Buy bottles. At this point it's totally normal to ask yourself what's so morally wrong about eating canned peaches from the grocery store. It isn't such a bad idea to listen to that still, small voice. It's not too late to abort the project.

3) Send the kids upstairs so they won't bother you during the process. Disregard any loud thuds, sounds of splashing, tattling, or crying that you hear from upstairs.

4) Cut off the bruised sections of the peaches. Don't forget to insert ear plugs since your wife will scream when a spider pops out from underneath a peach.

5) Boil the peaches so you can remove the skin. Removing the skin is sometimes as easy as catching a three year old slathered in Crisco.

6) Insert peach slices into bottles. Simultaneously mutter to yourself that this was way more work than it's worth.

I now realize that bottling fruit isn't for the faint of heart. Sissies need not apply. You need a strong will. And determination. And time. And earplugs.


Jen said...

This is the very subject of my article for the Times this month. Excellent post.

Dansie Family said...

they are so much better than store bought.

Cory Reese said...

Cory didn't mention that we only have 9 quarts of peaches left due to the bottles not sealing properly. I wanted to cry as I poured rancid peaches down the drain!

Tink said...

Lots of work, that bottling! But oh, doesn't it fill great to seem them all lined up on the counter to cool and seal....Just read the last comment and oh, how sad! That's so depressing to go through all that work just to pour down the drain! Sad!