Sunday, July 4, 2010

I Love Kenny G

At my job, I spend a decent portion of time on the telephone each day, including a decent portion of time on hold. I talk with lots of prescription drug manufactures to coordinate assistance programs. With some companies, you better just pack yourself a lunch - because you are going to be on hold for a while.

There is one company that I completely DREAD calling. Partly because I know I'm going to be on hold for a while. But mostly because the music they play while on hold is simply horrific. The song is around two minutes and repeats OVER and OVER. Do you want to know what is utterly depressing? I have it memorized. I could whistle it to you.

Allow me to provide a description of this song: Imagine the cheesy 1980's keyboard sound playing a catchy jingle similar to what you would hear in an elevator. Then 30 seconds later, a strong Kenny G-ish saxophone pipes in and begins to whine. Then the Kenny G-ish sax gains momentum. It's like Mr. Saxophone is finally getting a solo opportunity at a concert, and he is going to play that sax with every ounce of energy he has. Then the song concludes with some tingling chimes. And then it starts over AGAIN. And AGAIN. And AGAIN. This song makes fingernails on a chalkboard sound like a glorious symphony.

Recently my job became worse. I'm not joking about this - another drug company just started using the SAME song for their hold music! I'm serious as a heart attack (or an ice pick to the ear). The same song. Inconceivable.

I believe the on-hold music is an intentional gauntlet. Anyone who can suffer through the torture of listening to the song for 23 minutes earns the privilege of talking to an actual human being. I would be willing to bet that few people survive the gauntlet.


Marie Says Yes said...

Kenny G and I have a long and complicated relationship. (although I wish I had that hoodie, it is so awesome). Ben loves him as the greatest of all sax players, as Ben is a saxophone player himself (interpretive, at least). I just feel sorry for you and your hold music. It can make you want to find a nearby bridge to jump off.
I once saw a cd called "In the Mood for Sax." It was all about saxophone music, in case you were wondering. I'm still unsettled about it.

Jen said...

You are such a survivor.