Sunday, August 29, 2010

I Am Very Attractive

I believe I am VERY, VERY attractive. Not the kind of attractive where people of the opposite gender find me visually appealing. Not the kind of attractive where girls showed even a sliver of interest in middle school. Not the kind of attractive where women wonder if I enjoy candle-lit dinners and long walks on the beach. In fact, with my looks, it is possible that my wife had glaucoma while we were dating.

Nope, not physically attractive. I am very attractive to MOSQUITOES.

It is the one thing I dread about summer. I inevitably have numerous mosquito bites, which I may be allergic to, because they all swell up to the size of a 50 cent piece.

Yesterday on my arm I found 7 bites within a one-inch radius. SEVEN! This is completely unacceptable. My flesh does not appreciate this. I have no idea when this could have happened. Other than the marathon a week ago, I haven't really been outside. And I think even mosquitoes would have the decency to not bite someone who is in the middle of running 26 miles.

Wo is me. Such is the life of someone who is so attractive.


Tonya Mae said...

My husband is the exact same way. Mosquitoes find him to be irresistibly delicious and he is also allergic to them. :( So. 3 words for ya... "OFF with DEET". -It's the only way, man. Bathe in it if you have to. It works like a charm. (That was way more than 3 words, huh? ;)

Jen said...

I am very sorry for you. My dad never gets bitten, and he is so unsympathetic. He just says, "I just get enough vitamin B you guys." Like that helps when we are all scratching in agony.

Tink said...

You should rub them with ammonia. It should take away the itch.

Cory Reese said...

I appreciate the advice. I will try anything.

After a few days the swelling went down. Upon closer inspection my wife can verify that there could have been up to 11 bites within the 1-inch radius.

How is this possible? Grrr.