Me and My Carp Burps

I bought a bottle of fish oil capsules a few days ago.

“Why?” you ask?

Because Oprah told me to.

“If Oprah told you to jump off a cliff, would you?” you ask.

Of course I would. When the most powerful woman in the world tells you to do something, you do it.

Okay, after that first line, everything else is a complete and utter lie. I don’t watch Oprah. My wife rarely even watches Oprah which to some females probably sounds anti-American.

I bought fish oil capsules because I read numerous sources citing their extreme health benefits. You know, the omega 3 fatty acid stuff, heart health, and building your muscles to look like an American Gladiator. Woops, I lied again.

And now….the rest of the story. I hate seafood. Just the smell of someone else partaking in aquatic foulness makes me queezy. I don’t understand the hype of seafood. A serious problem has arisen in my quest to be healthy and take fish oil capsules. It’s a problem I have unaffectionately termed “Carp Burps”.

A half hour after ingesting these horse pills, I feel like a trout is trying to swim upstream right out of my mouth. And all his friends are swimming around in my upper intestines ready to follow him. It reminds me of the old-school Saturday Night Live when Dan Akroyd put some fish into his “Bass-O-Matic” and made a “delicious bass shake.” I’m positive that I’d have the same taste in my mouth from a bass shake as I do from these fish oil pills.

I’m going to do my best to man-up, load up on Tic-Tacs, and try to work past the carp burps. Wish me luck.